pain

i've been exposed to a month of pain and you have no idea how happy i will be (and am at the sheer thought) of finally being free of it very soon..
this pain has been so uncomfortable, so unwelcome, such a pain in the ass, such a bitch.
i want it to be gone. seriously.

on another note, licencjat has been kicking in.
i've seen so many films this week too!
i keep doing breaks whilst learning cos i cant go on rolls of learning for too long cos i wanna fall asleep, so instead i put on a film..but it really has helped me stay focused (strangely enough).
i've been getting scared of the whole exam itself though..
all my friends who have gone through it have said nothing nice about the whole procedure..
i guess it's just something you gotta get over and done with one way or another..

and where on earth has the sun gone?!
i thought it was officially summer now?
silly weather

ralph lauren

my wall (which got pissed on by my beloved cat) now smells of ralph lauren, i wasted 10 squirts of my perfume to kill the stink of cat piss, on my wall.
if anyone came into my room right now they would suffocate from the combo.
but my cat deserved it, he got kicked out of the room with me swearing at it.
i was witness to his lifting his tail and squirting some deadly smelly cat pee right on the wall that is by my pillow. i couldnt believe it.
i swore at him.
i told him to get the fuck out of my room.
i literally did.
and closed the door behind him as he left.
but that didnt satisfy my hatred.
he was meowing to go out. i said fine. i paused my film. and i went downstairs with him and opened the balcony doors and he went out.
out into the night.
now its raining and the thunder is clapping.
and he's out
and i feel a bit bad.
i called him but he's not there so i'm gonna try and go to sleep.
but if i dont wake up tomorrow you will all know why - i most probably suffocated in this ralph lauren smell...

seven pounds

i had no idea what the film i was about to watch was about but it was one of the most beautiful, mesmerizing and touching films i had seen in a very long time (possibly since the notebook)
i cannot possibly explain how the film made me feel but the tears i shed at the end say it all
amazing

i will try to watch a film a day this week
i need to catch up on some good films because all these emotions are helping me concentrate on my work (surprisingly!)

i tried to watch home but to no avail, i had to delete it
if anyone has any recommendations i'm all ears!

i'm off to read my book now..

i saw sparks

yeah i saw sparks

i've been secretly drinking GnTs all day in my room on my own
thats def not a good sign
i watched a few films and cried a bit on all of them

i miss D
i dont know why though
its not like we're together or anything
but i miss him

the rain has been even more depressing than ever
coldplay on repeat is facilitating my sorrow
my waterproof mascara is staying put
my 2 mugs of coffee have been downed
my clothes laying carelessly on my chair
my bed is done, my handbag on it along with my german books, water, book and makeup
my diploma by my radio lays unopened
my passport sits in front of me
my pearls locked up in my casket lay waiting for better days
and i sit here
in the dark
waiting
for
a
smile


with another GnT on my desk...

sunburn

REALLY bad sunburn!
to the point where my cream dries up in a matter of a minute! its insane
it was so windy today and i went out into my garden and sat in my deckchair, reading my book for a few hours. when i got up, i felt a bit hot but i hadnt realised the full extent of my redness, not until NOW. geez, i could hardly shower. i had to slow myself into it and the water was freezing cold. and you know when your body feels hot and cold at the same time, when you teeth are chattering yet you feel soo hot, well, i hate that and thats what my shower was like today.
ugh, why do i always burn?
and i look incredibly silly - red on the front and completely pale from the back.
a walking polish flag thats me!

time for bed and i have no idea how my shins will survive tonight, they seem to be hurting the most, argh...!

36 days from now

and i finally realised that its almost 5 weeks till i get to london!! omg...

i passed everything at college. i'm amazed. lets be honest here, i didnt really try my hardest but i did stress a lot and it got me so far. but frankly speaking, the worst is yet to come...

i worked out on my gym ball tonight and i pretty much enjoyed it but some things are just too difficult to master - i cant balance on my ball yet so its all a bit wobbly but looking really good, its such a fun way of working out! i'm hitting the gym tomo morning but before i do so i gotta check up on dvd's dog. she's such a cutie!

my spanish lover is being such an amazing friend. wow. always there to talk to me and make me laugh. who'd have known D would be such a genuinely nice guy? and i love the way he slightly whistles at the end of words that end with 's', its so hot!

i have a few health problems that have been worrying me recently. i need to get that sorted. other than that, life seems to be going smoothly! most importantly - i'm happy.

i'm a dreamer

thank God this friday has passed by at last
i want to break down and cry
but i know i cant
i have exams tomorrow and i have to hold on till after
i'm trying not to let things get to me

today was downhill from 3pm when i went out to get pizza
then the phone call
then danny
and my big mouth, my questions and my untrustworthiness
i want to break down and cry
but i dont have anyone's shoulder to even do so
which only gets me thinking that there's no point really
no point in crying
i'll just do that into my pillow in a sec
i wish for so many things

i wish we didnt have exams tomo cos i'm not prepared
i wish the distance was nonexistent
i wish i could treat everything as water off a duck's back (but i cant)
i wish i could keep my mouth shut at times
i wish i trusted myself
i wish i could start over again
i wish i could close up my tear ducts right now

good night
and good luck

te hecho de menos,quiero tocar tu piel!

more spanish for you my friends!!
hehe..
but oh dear, closer and closer to the dreaded results and the oh so delightful message from our tutor saying that we need all our signatures and credits signed by this friday! yikes! i still have to get my signatures from my teaching practice... blagh..

all the more closer to summer
bring on the summer and sun
noooooooooow!

we need to party guys.. we need to celebrate the end of our road together as a whole group...

corazon

slowly i'm learning spanish whether i like it or not!
the amount of adrenaline rushing through my veins at the moment is immense!
the results of our PNJA exam is tomorrow and i am shitting myself...
:(

what will be?
i will jump with joy just as long as i pass..

what about now

could you make me any happier than i am right now?
my exam went great i'm over the moon to have it behind me and for it to have gone so well, but i owe my gratitude to lucy for she pulled the questions out and i know i would have picked terrible ones!

with every exam, we're so much closer to the end..
right now i'm ecstatic but i know that once we're done i'll be sad to leave all the familiar faces behind, sad to lose touch with people, sad to be getting more independant, sad that i will no longer have the freedom to whatever i want whenever i want as i dont have a full time job.. so many things will change after we pass our licencjat..

i'm hoping for more sun
i'm hoping to get a tan
i need a new bikini
anyone know of any good places where i can get a decent one?



rain rain go away, come again another day