so its over.
D said we are no more than just "friends"
my heart has sunk so deep
i know its not the end of the world
but it hurts
and i'll try to smile my way through it even though it will not be easy
i dont know if i will keep this blog up any more.
i dont really see the point.
maybe if i ever get back to poland it'll be back up
but i think for now, i'm done.
no good news, no happy stories to tell, so i will let my blog die.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
chillax
oh i really could do with some chillaxin ;)
and a bit of encouragement and support
thats been on my mind all day really
annoyance of the day:
1. (old) MEN who snort and then spit out all their snot and disgustingness out onto the friggin pavement, i mean, come on?! who on earth does that?! you only get it in poland!! UGH. sooo gross! and i was walking behind/next to (i was walking fast) to a man who did that and SPAT right in front of my feet i gave him the DIRTIEST of looks, i mean, wtf?!?! UGH. so nasto!
2. girsl/teenagers at gym. i dont get it. why the hell do they go to the gym their age (12?) in the first place when they should be outside having fun at the playground? i dont get it...? and the amount of deo they sprayed nearly made me throw up.
3. the price of pistachios. 51zl for a kilo!! :( i nearly cried but i got myself some for 21zl... not much though :( i love pistachios :(
and a bit of encouragement and support
thats been on my mind all day really
annoyance of the day:
1. (old) MEN who snort and then spit out all their snot and disgustingness out onto the friggin pavement, i mean, come on?! who on earth does that?! you only get it in poland!! UGH. sooo gross! and i was walking behind/next to (i was walking fast) to a man who did that and SPAT right in front of my feet i gave him the DIRTIEST of looks, i mean, wtf?!?! UGH. so nasto!
2. girsl/teenagers at gym. i dont get it. why the hell do they go to the gym their age (12?) in the first place when they should be outside having fun at the playground? i dont get it...? and the amount of deo they sprayed nearly made me throw up.
3. the price of pistachios. 51zl for a kilo!! :( i nearly cried but i got myself some for 21zl... not much though :( i love pistachios :(
Thursday, July 9, 2009
a rush i can't explain
why the fuck am i so emotional?
i cried under the shower tonight
i stood there and thought
why i am so scared of everything
why i am voluntarily putting myself up for loneliness for god knows how long
why i am getting no support
why i fill my head with ideas that might not even come true
why do i have to be so fucking optimistic at times
why is it that when i need to talk no one is there
why cant i be strong
why do i rely on others
why do i try so hard
why do i fall in love...?
the last question will remain forever a mystery
i need to get away
i need to go to krakow
i need to get drunk with magda
i need to forget about everyone and everything again
maybe thats the problem? i'm leaving everything and everyone behind AGAIN. maybe thats why i'm so scared? that its all happening all over again..no friends around again, this time even worse - neither parent around..? i'm scared that what i'm counting on is too fragile and it'll all break beneath me. i'm scared shitless that i've gotten involved with something that might not even exist. i have fallen deep into this one again.. i'm scared of everything.
if only he knew just how hard it is...
i cried under the shower tonight
i stood there and thought
why i am so scared of everything
why i am voluntarily putting myself up for loneliness for god knows how long
why i am getting no support
why i fill my head with ideas that might not even come true
why do i have to be so fucking optimistic at times
why is it that when i need to talk no one is there
why cant i be strong
why do i rely on others
why do i try so hard
why do i fall in love...?
the last question will remain forever a mystery
i need to get away
i need to go to krakow
i need to get drunk with magda
i need to forget about everyone and everything again
maybe thats the problem? i'm leaving everything and everyone behind AGAIN. maybe thats why i'm so scared? that its all happening all over again..no friends around again, this time even worse - neither parent around..? i'm scared that what i'm counting on is too fragile and it'll all break beneath me. i'm scared shitless that i've gotten involved with something that might not even exist. i have fallen deep into this one again.. i'm scared of everything.
if only he knew just how hard it is...
rain sun rain sun - make up your bloody mind!!
so the weather has been a bit hectic and i've been putting aside my bike for much too long now. no matter what i will go out on my bike tomorrow!
i had a wonderful day, woke up at 6am and the sun was shining so bright then as it came closer to 9 or 10 it was getting darker and darker and by 1 and 2 it was raining on down. luckily my ass was in the gym at the right moments so not a droplet of rain fell on me and there was a lovely breeze in the gym all the time which was such a change! cos its usually so so stuffy in there it makes it quite unbearable to workout sometimes.
annoyance of the day:
my mother.
i told her about my plans (or rather my living plans) in london and - she was ok with it! BUT literally all day she has been doing my head in about the whole trip. it makes me so angry when she gets on to the topic of london, my "career"/education, rent, money, travel, the expensiveness, the ambition that i must pursue, my job, work, job, work, money and it just goes on and on. i know she's trying to help, but i really want to try and do this ON MY OWN. i really want to try and do it by myself and achieve all my goals no matter how long it will take me to fulfill them. on the other hand i know she's older and much wiser and maybe i am being "too" harsh, but havent you been through that? when you really want to become independent from your parents? i think i'll go ahead and watch Coraline just in case ;) (thanks tjrael)
i had a wonderful day, woke up at 6am and the sun was shining so bright then as it came closer to 9 or 10 it was getting darker and darker and by 1 and 2 it was raining on down. luckily my ass was in the gym at the right moments so not a droplet of rain fell on me and there was a lovely breeze in the gym all the time which was such a change! cos its usually so so stuffy in there it makes it quite unbearable to workout sometimes.
annoyance of the day:
my mother.
i told her about my plans (or rather my living plans) in london and - she was ok with it! BUT literally all day she has been doing my head in about the whole trip. it makes me so angry when she gets on to the topic of london, my "career"/education, rent, money, travel, the expensiveness, the ambition that i must pursue, my job, work, job, work, money and it just goes on and on. i know she's trying to help, but i really want to try and do this ON MY OWN. i really want to try and do it by myself and achieve all my goals no matter how long it will take me to fulfill them. on the other hand i know she's older and much wiser and maybe i am being "too" harsh, but havent you been through that? when you really want to become independent from your parents? i think i'll go ahead and watch Coraline just in case ;) (thanks tjrael)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
omg, 10 days?!
tell me this isn't true?!
i'm getting quite freaked out about the whole trip now cos i know i wont have the money to do nothing for even a week :( i will have to get to job hunting asap!
and to top it all off i've been bailed out by a friend who was supposed to take me in for a few weeks, and i frantically started looking for ads on gumtree.. when i got a message that i'm sorted when it comes to having a bed to sleep on... just not too sure what my parents will say when they hear with whom and so on..
but i'm 24 right?
i can make my own decisions
and this one i AM making
i need a place to stay and this is the only available option at the moment
to be honest, my parents haven't been super encouraging and supportive of me, my mum in particular ahs been "warning" me of what lies ahead and how its not gonna be easy and how i will have to work hard - i KNOW all of that! but what they also dont understand is that i like to do things differently too.. i plan, i always do and for that they should be happy ;) but they dont like the way i plan things and so i'm not sure they're gonna like my idea of where i'll be staying. but like i said, right now, there is no other option.
annoyance of the day:
my weight.
i cant believe i havent dropped. i hardly eat (although you cant see the result AT ALL) and i work out. i know i must be doing it worng but it always used to work before :/ maybe its the pill? it's my only explanation atm. and i need a tan. right. now. tanning. bed. here. i. come.
i'm getting quite freaked out about the whole trip now cos i know i wont have the money to do nothing for even a week :( i will have to get to job hunting asap!
and to top it all off i've been bailed out by a friend who was supposed to take me in for a few weeks, and i frantically started looking for ads on gumtree.. when i got a message that i'm sorted when it comes to having a bed to sleep on... just not too sure what my parents will say when they hear with whom and so on..
but i'm 24 right?
i can make my own decisions
and this one i AM making
i need a place to stay and this is the only available option at the moment
to be honest, my parents haven't been super encouraging and supportive of me, my mum in particular ahs been "warning" me of what lies ahead and how its not gonna be easy and how i will have to work hard - i KNOW all of that! but what they also dont understand is that i like to do things differently too.. i plan, i always do and for that they should be happy ;) but they dont like the way i plan things and so i'm not sure they're gonna like my idea of where i'll be staying. but like i said, right now, there is no other option.
annoyance of the day:
my weight.
i cant believe i havent dropped. i hardly eat (although you cant see the result AT ALL) and i work out. i know i must be doing it worng but it always used to work before :/ maybe its the pill? it's my only explanation atm. and i need a tan. right. now. tanning. bed. here. i. come.
thunder at 3 am
i know its terribly late but i've been up all this time, mainly because i was watching MJ's memorial (replay, as i was out all day)
and then i started chatting to people online, sending CVs and things and time just flies!
i only just realised how late it was..
the thunder outside is crazy! rain, lightening and rumble.
wonderful night :)
lucky i'm at home and soon gonna be in bed.
i'm worried about london,
worried about me not having a job..
but uber happy to have so many good people around to help me out
uber happy to be there soon
i've checked in online already (unlike last time - damn ryanair)
i have my passport waiting for me :) it feels so good!
annoyance of the day:
my leather flip-flops.
not really the best on the world. the strap just rammed into my foot. def not wearing them tomo, i have to let my feet rest a while.
and then i started chatting to people online, sending CVs and things and time just flies!
i only just realised how late it was..
the thunder outside is crazy! rain, lightening and rumble.
wonderful night :)
lucky i'm at home and soon gonna be in bed.
i'm worried about london,
worried about me not having a job..
but uber happy to have so many good people around to help me out
uber happy to be there soon
i've checked in online already (unlike last time - damn ryanair)
i have my passport waiting for me :) it feels so good!
annoyance of the day:
my leather flip-flops.
not really the best on the world. the strap just rammed into my foot. def not wearing them tomo, i have to let my feet rest a while.
Monday, July 6, 2009
lazy monday
gym.gym.gym.
and two annoying girls there who had no previous experience in working out! hilarious! :D no towels, no water, no will power nor strength/endurance. and to top it all off they sprayed like a gazillion litres of perfume on themselves in case they got sweaty (!?) absurd. maybe it was just me who was agitated by them..? i was the only one there i suppose..
oh oh, and you gotta love the dudes who are so in love with themselves :D one in particular was walking there and back staring at me so i just started smiling back at him and he actually started chatting me up and i was trying to control myself so that i didnt laugh straight into his face :D he was so full of himself. loose top yet you could see he was ripped like mad, leather belt (why do they have those??) i didnt go down any further so that he didnt get the wrong idea and caught me looking ;) oh, funny days! shall prob be seeing him around..
annoyance of the day:
HUGE male, possibly in his 40's maybe even early 50's, bald, and sweaty. trolleybus. him sitting at the very back slap bang in the middle, could not go unnoticed. now picture this:
hawaiian shirt UNDONE totally!! MASSIVE beer belly, and i mean massive! and his shirt was undone (puke!!) shorts!!! and sandals!! omg, that guy was a fashion tragedy. i wish i'd taken a pic i mean it couldnt get any worse than that ;)!
and two annoying girls there who had no previous experience in working out! hilarious! :D no towels, no water, no will power nor strength/endurance. and to top it all off they sprayed like a gazillion litres of perfume on themselves in case they got sweaty (!?) absurd. maybe it was just me who was agitated by them..? i was the only one there i suppose..
oh oh, and you gotta love the dudes who are so in love with themselves :D one in particular was walking there and back staring at me so i just started smiling back at him and he actually started chatting me up and i was trying to control myself so that i didnt laugh straight into his face :D he was so full of himself. loose top yet you could see he was ripped like mad, leather belt (why do they have those??) i didnt go down any further so that he didnt get the wrong idea and caught me looking ;) oh, funny days! shall prob be seeing him around..
annoyance of the day:
HUGE male, possibly in his 40's maybe even early 50's, bald, and sweaty. trolleybus. him sitting at the very back slap bang in the middle, could not go unnoticed. now picture this:
hawaiian shirt UNDONE totally!! MASSIVE beer belly, and i mean massive! and his shirt was undone (puke!!) shorts!!! and sandals!! omg, that guy was a fashion tragedy. i wish i'd taken a pic i mean it couldnt get any worse than that ;)!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
what really gets me
last night at the club, there was one girl who was so damn desperate to get a man it was so revolting, it truly was, the first guy that literally *stuck* to her she stayed with for the whole night and my god did i wanna puke, the guy was (obvioulsy) butt ugly, he never opened his eyes (he was so drunk) AND turns out he was french so neither of them talked the whole night, it was all about the touching, close "dancing" and grinding. i find that so foul. i find that SO irritating that i was simply and genuinely running away from them all night long BUT they kept following me and i know, we were there together as a group and the bride-to-be was with me most of the time so it was no surprise that in the end we would end up within an arms reach of each other. but i seriously could NOT stand the guy. he was so hiddeous i wonder what on earth he was doing at a club and with us. sigh. but it has to be said, the night was a wonderful one :)
annoyance number two, was observed today at a family get-together. dear lord how i cant stand people who cant eat properly! when they dont know how to lift their arm towards their mouth and their arms never lift from the table. OMG that pisses me off so bad. it just goes to show who has bad/good table manners. i know for sure that those are one of the things that would make me split up with someone if he were to eat like that. SO annoying! in fact, i turn away not to look cos it pushes my butons.
annoyance number two, was observed today at a family get-together. dear lord how i cant stand people who cant eat properly! when they dont know how to lift their arm towards their mouth and their arms never lift from the table. OMG that pisses me off so bad. it just goes to show who has bad/good table manners. i know for sure that those are one of the things that would make me split up with someone if he were to eat like that. SO annoying! in fact, i turn away not to look cos it pushes my butons.
katy perry alone on the dance floor
i was a celebrity last night
yet no one (here i mean GUY) would dance with me
besides the fact that ALL the guys were fricking dead ugly
bald
straight-from-the-gym type ugliness
and there i was with my pink mega-super-duper bow
and yet no one (luckily, i think) danced with me
i rubbed up against a few peeps
but it was nothing nice
sweat and nasto smells
baldness and glasses
short and burly
i mean.. does he have to be so far away?!
:p
the music was good, really dancy sort of music
the bride-to-be looked absolutely stunning and she had the time of her life (i believe)
i want more.
truly yours,
katy perry (aka omasia)
yet no one (here i mean GUY) would dance with me
besides the fact that ALL the guys were fricking dead ugly
bald
straight-from-the-gym type ugliness
and there i was with my pink mega-super-duper bow
and yet no one (luckily, i think) danced with me
i rubbed up against a few peeps
but it was nothing nice
sweat and nasto smells
baldness and glasses
short and burly
i mean.. does he have to be so far away?!
:p
the music was good, really dancy sort of music
the bride-to-be looked absolutely stunning and she had the time of her life (i believe)
i want more.
truly yours,
katy perry (aka omasia)
Thursday, July 2, 2009
oh dear lord..
i thought i was free of him
but he is back haunting me again
i got an email this morning from him
"4 years since. And still am sick about you..."
wtf am i supposed to do about that?? i really couldn't care less
and as a side note - i thought i had blocked him on my gmail :/?
but he is back haunting me again
i got an email this morning from him
"4 years since. And still am sick about you..."
wtf am i supposed to do about that?? i really couldn't care less
and as a side note - i thought i had blocked him on my gmail :/?
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