well, L is coming over to london for sure on monday, he has his tickets and i'm all excited.
its been so hard to forget about D but because he's not here in the country its making it so much easier, but then when i think that he will be back and i might see him on the streets or when i see his car or bike, i'll fall apart in an instance. i dont know how i will cope. i'll prob grab my phone and call L to help me out..
i've been getting chatted up a lot more than i had ever expected, in and out of the pub. but i'd like to make genuine friends here and i'm finding that extremely hard. i try not to spend my days off at home, but then i end up going to the shops and spending my money which i really shouldn't be doing, especially now that L is coming and we have lots and lots of plans to go out. first on the list is natural history museum along with science museum, soho and then cinema. next day will be london eye and hm..dont know? in the evening we will go on a speed-date thingy which should be so much fun and full of uncontrolable laughter ;) then we have thursday to say goodbye. maybe hyde park and serpentine?
i'm looking forward to monday guys, i'm so happy for once.
x
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
almost lover
what to do?
my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of D and then i have L who is coming over to lndn next week..we talk hours on end to each other during the day (and night) it's insane.. you wouldn't believe how well we get on, we truly are best friends. it's amazing fortunate and wonderful, i wouldn't change it for anything else...but i cant stop thinking of D. what is wrong with me? is there something wrong with me? can i not see that there ARE men out there who are willing to do SOOO much for me..
i'm roaming around and i've been looking but all i see...
L has been nothing but a sweetheart to me, talking to, helping, guiding, advising, critisizing, instructing, motivating, laughing at me. that and a million other things, more than i ever got from D, but still i cant control what i feel..and that i cant give my all to L, i'm just not ready..i cant let go of the past.
so i will do everything to enjoy the time i will have with L, i'm really over the moon he will be here, within arms reach for me to look at, smile at and laugh at :) i'm so excitied. i will obviousl steal all the cuddles i can get from him. he knows that i will. i need cuddles. i miss them. and i will miss L. but i miss D too.
so this is me. in london. for now...and a long time to come (hopefully).
x
my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of D and then i have L who is coming over to lndn next week..we talk hours on end to each other during the day (and night) it's insane.. you wouldn't believe how well we get on, we truly are best friends. it's amazing fortunate and wonderful, i wouldn't change it for anything else...but i cant stop thinking of D. what is wrong with me? is there something wrong with me? can i not see that there ARE men out there who are willing to do SOOO much for me..
i'm roaming around and i've been looking but all i see...
L has been nothing but a sweetheart to me, talking to, helping, guiding, advising, critisizing, instructing, motivating, laughing at me. that and a million other things, more than i ever got from D, but still i cant control what i feel..and that i cant give my all to L, i'm just not ready..i cant let go of the past.
so i will do everything to enjoy the time i will have with L, i'm really over the moon he will be here, within arms reach for me to look at, smile at and laugh at :) i'm so excitied. i will obviousl steal all the cuddles i can get from him. he knows that i will. i need cuddles. i miss them. and i will miss L. but i miss D too.
so this is me. in london. for now...and a long time to come (hopefully).
x
Monday, August 17, 2009
painted faces
two days off in a row - luxury!!
i'm at home, not going into town so as not to spend money that i dont have :(
i had brekkie, gona have dinner when i get back and a coffee later on in the evening, and i'm sure i'll be having a lovely chat with L before bed...
D is in spain. and i'm jealous of him!
there is a possibility that L will be in london next week...finally, friends will be reunited! it will be awesome! he really does feel like a best friend to me.. it will be so good to finally have him around for a few days so that we can talk hang out and gossip all we want in real life, seeing him smile and laugh will be a unique experience..i cant wait!
love you all
i'm at home, not going into town so as not to spend money that i dont have :(
i had brekkie, gona have dinner when i get back and a coffee later on in the evening, and i'm sure i'll be having a lovely chat with L before bed...
D is in spain. and i'm jealous of him!
there is a possibility that L will be in london next week...finally, friends will be reunited! it will be awesome! he really does feel like a best friend to me.. it will be so good to finally have him around for a few days so that we can talk hang out and gossip all we want in real life, seeing him smile and laugh will be a unique experience..i cant wait!
love you all
Sunday, August 16, 2009
london
i've decided to write an update as my life has been pretty much hectic.
i have a job, i work at a super fun bar in west brompton, the bar staff are amazing, i love all of them to bits, they make working there worthwhile, so do the customers (but not that there are many...mostly regulars who spend hours talking to you if you're in the mood).
i live in a rented room with a polish woman who is old. she's home 24/7 but doesnt mind me coming home way past midnight (sometimes even later when i decide i want to ''hang out''at *someone's* for a bit). i cook my own food, i do my own washing, i sleep in a double bed - i'm content.
work brings in shit money. but it lets me survive somehow bu like i said, i cannot save anything as i earn so little its shameful :( i hope that september will be a rebound and i'll pick up on a few teaching jobs that i've applied for.
but the main reason of my post was to talk about men.
how confusing the little beings can be.
as it has been for a long time now, there are two men who count most for me: L & D
i thought i'd write about it here but i think it's not the right place to be doing so. they both take the most important place in my heart. but one is closer one is further. and i dont know if i should settle for what is easier. i know many would say no, but it is so difficult knowing that L is so far and i'd be getting myself into a lot of trouble again if i fell for him, i know i cant do long distance ever again. and as for d, well..i think he's still deliberating what he wants from life and so he cannot let me in just yet, but seeing how things are going, we're both on the right tracks.
its good to know you have people around you who love you. i have a job, i have two men who adore me, i have my parents and i am in london. i'm happy. and i'd be even happier if i sorted out my love life once and for all ;)
xxx
i have a job, i work at a super fun bar in west brompton, the bar staff are amazing, i love all of them to bits, they make working there worthwhile, so do the customers (but not that there are many...mostly regulars who spend hours talking to you if you're in the mood).
i live in a rented room with a polish woman who is old. she's home 24/7 but doesnt mind me coming home way past midnight (sometimes even later when i decide i want to ''hang out''at *someone's* for a bit). i cook my own food, i do my own washing, i sleep in a double bed - i'm content.
work brings in shit money. but it lets me survive somehow bu like i said, i cannot save anything as i earn so little its shameful :( i hope that september will be a rebound and i'll pick up on a few teaching jobs that i've applied for.
but the main reason of my post was to talk about men.
how confusing the little beings can be.
as it has been for a long time now, there are two men who count most for me: L & D
i thought i'd write about it here but i think it's not the right place to be doing so. they both take the most important place in my heart. but one is closer one is further. and i dont know if i should settle for what is easier. i know many would say no, but it is so difficult knowing that L is so far and i'd be getting myself into a lot of trouble again if i fell for him, i know i cant do long distance ever again. and as for d, well..i think he's still deliberating what he wants from life and so he cannot let me in just yet, but seeing how things are going, we're both on the right tracks.
its good to know you have people around you who love you. i have a job, i have two men who adore me, i have my parents and i am in london. i'm happy. and i'd be even happier if i sorted out my love life once and for all ;)
xxx
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