in all of life's splendour, i still wish to reverse the passing of time and age. i think i am missing the connection in my brain that this isn't right. the dots are not connecting and i keep wishing that i was a child.
i wish i could go back in time and tell myself to be carefree, to take life as it comes and not take things seriously, use people for their love, respect and devotion and you will always be in the winning position. you will never get hurt but you will take joy in being young and having fun (with men).
right now i've come to the conclusion that i'm so old. i've wasted so many years in my life looking for Mr Big that i have no memories, i have had no fun. and how will i make it up to myself? this time has passed.. it's too late now.
what will i do now in the future? what will i do in london? will i get a job or will i come back to poland and finish off my MA? what am i supposed to do? i'm so lost. and i dont wanna talk about it.
that doesnt mean i'm depressed right? it just means i need to digest this situation.
worst thing is, is that he has left all my text messages unanswered, a million questions left lingering, he has no intention of answering them.
with calmness on my face, my fingers bleed rage
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