a big void

mum's ok after her op. dad's been to see her and as you'd expect it was only a fly-in visit (mum was still not quite herself).

again, i just wish i could be home, just to see mum and wish her well and chat to her, and my dad. i kind of feel terrible for them being on their own, especially with mum being in hospital, dad's all alone at home. wish there was something i could do to make them cheer up, get their hopes up.

as for MrL, i feel like every time i try to be sweet and romantic (even if it is only over the phone) i get the feeling of 'why did i bother' i don't quite get the response i anticipate.. it tends to be 'what?' or 'what are you talking about?'. sometimes i feel like giving up but i know i can't. i just want him home. i feel quite bad, i've 'taken over' his house. i've come, moved in, and i sit here all day every day, he doesn't get a moment to be on his own and do his own things. sometimes i feel it would be good for me to get away for a while to let him have time to himself. i don't know. am i wrong? i don't think i am.

because i stayed home and wanted to hear from my dad about mum, i've postponed my job centre visit till tomorrow. i hope i get something going tomorrow. fingers crossed.

M
x