why the fuck am i so emotional?
i cried under the shower tonight
i stood there and thought
why i am so scared of everything
why i am voluntarily putting myself up for loneliness for god knows how long
why i am getting no support
why i fill my head with ideas that might not even come true
why do i have to be so fucking optimistic at times
why is it that when i need to talk no one is there
why cant i be strong
why do i rely on others
why do i try so hard
why do i fall in love...?
the last question will remain forever a mystery
i need to get away
i need to go to krakow
i need to get drunk with magda
i need to forget about everyone and everything again
maybe thats the problem? i'm leaving everything and everyone behind AGAIN. maybe thats why i'm so scared? that its all happening all over again..no friends around again, this time even worse - neither parent around..? i'm scared that what i'm counting on is too fragile and it'll all break beneath me. i'm scared shitless that i've gotten involved with something that might not even exist. i have fallen deep into this one again.. i'm scared of everything.
if only he knew just how hard it is...
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