this is getting quite boring, what with having nothing to write here i feel terrible just updating these posts with plain 'nothingness'.
i'm such a twi-hard. there, i said it. i love the twilight saga and in fact i cannot wait till the last part comes out next year. i had quite a twilight-y day - playing music from the films and just re-watching breaking dawn! what a day. teachers were on strike today so i joined the twihards. ha.
tomorrow. well, i have to go to a school to TEACH (!) in the morning. woopee! will be up bright and early, i'll see MrL go to work (for a change) and at 4pm i have a school to visit. busy day tomorrow.
my eyes are in pain, i've just had the lenses changed and obviously my eyesight has gotten worse. so from -0.75 i've gone to -1.75. it's taking some getting used to. but i can no SEE :D yay.
hope you're all having a great week
M
x
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
hard work
who would have thought filling out teaching applications would be so tedious and so loooong! omg. i've been doing these forms since july, you'd think 5 months later it would be a a bit easier.. NO. believe me, every school is different and so are their requirements. you have to adjust your personal statement to the school's ethos and vision. every application form differs. it's such hard work.
today i managed to do two applications and i am drained. i stood up and i could barely stand, i felt so dizzy and tired. or maybe it's just me? maybe i put too much effort into these applications? maybe? but i'm trying my hardest to finally shine through as much as i can so that the schools take me up for an interview.
if someone asked what i did today and all i said was - filled in two applications, they'd think i haven't done much, but quite honestly, i've done loads. and not matter what people say or think, i have done a lot today.
i want to teach already!!
M
x
today i managed to do two applications and i am drained. i stood up and i could barely stand, i felt so dizzy and tired. or maybe it's just me? maybe i put too much effort into these applications? maybe? but i'm trying my hardest to finally shine through as much as i can so that the schools take me up for an interview.
if someone asked what i did today and all i said was - filled in two applications, they'd think i haven't done much, but quite honestly, i've done loads. and not matter what people say or think, i have done a lot today.
i want to teach already!!
M
x
Monday, November 21, 2011
woman on a mission
for the first time in ages, i stepped out into town. amazing, huh?
no, didn't think so. but unfortunately that's how exciting my life is at the moment.
i look forward to the day when i read back on all these posts from this year and be so happy it's all behind me. fingers crossed the new year will bring me better luck.
i had an important interview. next one is on thursday.
as i was out, i decided to pop into some shops. i roamed around new look, topshop, h&m, debenhams and river island. i found one cardigan i would have liked. now, yesterday, i moaned on twitter that i wish someone would take me out shopping. to be honest, i didn't feel wowed by anything really, which was quite surprising. i thought i'd want to buy everything in the shops, but i didn't! and i'm quite happy about it, otherwise i'd be here now moaning i had money ;) hah.
what i did realize, was that i miss walking down streets filled with shops. i miss london. i miss the hustle and bustle, the variety, the enormousness, the never-ending options. five shops in the town i live in now doesn't really compete at all with the thousands of london. i'm bored and yet there is nothing to do here. hence, i need to get out more, i need to do something. i've called up two schools for voluntary work, i have to wait for a response, obviously, both schools stated that they already have quite a few volunteers (ie. they don't need any more). one more school to apply for a teaching position. i really hope something comes out of this. i need it to.
M
x
no, didn't think so. but unfortunately that's how exciting my life is at the moment.
i look forward to the day when i read back on all these posts from this year and be so happy it's all behind me. fingers crossed the new year will bring me better luck.
i had an important interview. next one is on thursday.
as i was out, i decided to pop into some shops. i roamed around new look, topshop, h&m, debenhams and river island. i found one cardigan i would have liked. now, yesterday, i moaned on twitter that i wish someone would take me out shopping. to be honest, i didn't feel wowed by anything really, which was quite surprising. i thought i'd want to buy everything in the shops, but i didn't! and i'm quite happy about it, otherwise i'd be here now moaning i had money ;) hah.
what i did realize, was that i miss walking down streets filled with shops. i miss london. i miss the hustle and bustle, the variety, the enormousness, the never-ending options. five shops in the town i live in now doesn't really compete at all with the thousands of london. i'm bored and yet there is nothing to do here. hence, i need to get out more, i need to do something. i've called up two schools for voluntary work, i have to wait for a response, obviously, both schools stated that they already have quite a few volunteers (ie. they don't need any more). one more school to apply for a teaching position. i really hope something comes out of this. i need it to.
M
x
Sunday, November 20, 2011
i just had to!
sometimes, i get this feeling that i just have to do something. and that happened to me just a moment ago.
prawn sandwiches. need i say more? now, i'd defrosted the prawns for a rice dinner, but instead, i had this uncontrollable urge to have a prawn sandwich instead. i know, not much of a dinner, but boy did i enjoy it!
absolutely bored stiff today, incredible how terrible weather can make you feel so blah!
let's hope this week is more eventful and filled with healthier food choices.
M
x
prawn sandwiches. need i say more? now, i'd defrosted the prawns for a rice dinner, but instead, i had this uncontrollable urge to have a prawn sandwich instead. i know, not much of a dinner, but boy did i enjoy it!
 |
| yum!! |
let's hope this week is more eventful and filled with healthier food choices.
M
x
foggy much?
woke up this morning, peered out from underneath the duvet and saw a very milky sky. no surprise, i didn't want to get out of bed really.
not having anything to do today, i whipped out my camera and snapped up a few shots of the fog
MrL had bought some lovely and very unusual flowers form my bday and they look fantastic on our dining table
i think they look gorgeous! especially interwoven with the lilies, i love them! they have lasted so long.
well, that's it folks for today's post, nothing special. just trying to get my xmas shopping list up to scratch and shall start buying presents soon! can't wait for xams this year - at home, with my family.
M
x
not having anything to do today, i whipped out my camera and snapped up a few shots of the fog
 |
| view from front door, usually can see the hills from here! not today |
MrL had bought some lovely and very unusual flowers form my bday and they look fantastic on our dining table
 |
| Brassica oleracea, white crane and purple crane |
i think they look gorgeous! especially interwoven with the lilies, i love them! they have lasted so long.
well, that's it folks for today's post, nothing special. just trying to get my xmas shopping list up to scratch and shall start buying presents soon! can't wait for xams this year - at home, with my family.
M
x
Saturday, November 19, 2011
car mantra
i have to say, the highlight of today was my driving lesson.
i've been stuck at home on my own again and having done some housework this morning, my driving instructor called round in the afternoon and took me to redcar in my car.
it's not far. but it was busy. and i had some stupid jinx on me and i stalled a trillion times on one roundabout :D i had the person behind me get to the stage that he had to overtake me. man, i was horrendous. it just gets to me, once i stall once and then a second time..THAT'S IT. i'll keep on stalling! i haven't stalled in ages. and i didn't understand why all of a sudden i stalled today? i guess i just get too panicky and flustered, there was a queue behind me and it was quite a busy roundabout, so i had to go. ugh. what a nightmare.
but driving around redcar was nice - i do like to be beside the seaside! so, as my title indicates - i had a quick mantra "i am calm and i can do this" in my head as i set off every time. it helped. luckily!!
on another note, i need new glasses. my eyesight is so crap. it's not good when i'm driving around. i can hardly read signs etc :/ shall have to ask MrL for a deposit for an eye test and new lenses!! i can't drive not seeing properly. would like to have laser treatment really. i wish i could see clearly :D
anyone have any interesting plans for the weekend?
M
x
i've been stuck at home on my own again and having done some housework this morning, my driving instructor called round in the afternoon and took me to redcar in my car.
it's not far. but it was busy. and i had some stupid jinx on me and i stalled a trillion times on one roundabout :D i had the person behind me get to the stage that he had to overtake me. man, i was horrendous. it just gets to me, once i stall once and then a second time..THAT'S IT. i'll keep on stalling! i haven't stalled in ages. and i didn't understand why all of a sudden i stalled today? i guess i just get too panicky and flustered, there was a queue behind me and it was quite a busy roundabout, so i had to go. ugh. what a nightmare.
but driving around redcar was nice - i do like to be beside the seaside! so, as my title indicates - i had a quick mantra "i am calm and i can do this" in my head as i set off every time. it helped. luckily!!
on another note, i need new glasses. my eyesight is so crap. it's not good when i'm driving around. i can hardly read signs etc :/ shall have to ask MrL for a deposit for an eye test and new lenses!! i can't drive not seeing properly. would like to have laser treatment really. i wish i could see clearly :D
anyone have any interesting plans for the weekend?
M
x
Friday, November 18, 2011
writer's block
i can't really complain about writer's block really when in fact it is half way gone november and i had done so many things!
- Anna's 30th bday was a total BLAST! i had so much fun at her pool party and generally enjoyed my long weekend in cambridge
- watched fantastic fireworks and drank mulled wine by the river Cam, on a boat with a log burner that Anna's friend lives in (not in the burner, but in the boat-doh!)
- copious amounts of driving lessons (two very bad ones but recently, i've been getting better)
- in fact, MrL has been taking me out a LOT recently, anywhere we need to go he makes me go
- going down to MrL's mum's to help her move out of her old flat into her new house
- literally ripping my nails in order to shorten them (i had no scissors or nail file) somehow, i managed to keep them looking good, however they are dramatically shorter now :(
- lovely dinner with friends
- my bday - had a lovely day filled with presents, flowers, chocolates and MrL's family
- i PASSED my car theory test!!!
- applied for two more teaching posts, after having failed to be successful at another teaching interview
- listened to some good tunes which i'm sure everyone know by now, in particular Coldplay, Birdy and Lana Del Rey
- booked tickets to poland for xmas and am so excited!!
- MrL is growing his moustache for Movember (link!)
- making a list of xmas presents that i would love to get (but somehow i get the sinking feeling that money will not allow me to get half of what i;d like to get)
that's about it. doesn't seem like much when it's all in a list but i feel like i've done a lot (compared to all this time since july...) i'm glad it's been a bit busier than usual. it takes my mind off the more brutal things in life.
unfortunately i deleted everything off my camera's memory card and only have taken pics of MrL's mum's cat!
i hope you're all having a great november
M
x
- Anna's 30th bday was a total BLAST! i had so much fun at her pool party and generally enjoyed my long weekend in cambridge
- watched fantastic fireworks and drank mulled wine by the river Cam, on a boat with a log burner that Anna's friend lives in (not in the burner, but in the boat-doh!)
- copious amounts of driving lessons (two very bad ones but recently, i've been getting better)
- in fact, MrL has been taking me out a LOT recently, anywhere we need to go he makes me go
- going down to MrL's mum's to help her move out of her old flat into her new house
- literally ripping my nails in order to shorten them (i had no scissors or nail file) somehow, i managed to keep them looking good, however they are dramatically shorter now :(
- lovely dinner with friends
- my bday - had a lovely day filled with presents, flowers, chocolates and MrL's family
- i PASSED my car theory test!!!
- applied for two more teaching posts, after having failed to be successful at another teaching interview
- listened to some good tunes which i'm sure everyone know by now, in particular Coldplay, Birdy and Lana Del Rey
- booked tickets to poland for xmas and am so excited!!
- MrL is growing his moustache for Movember (link!)
- making a list of xmas presents that i would love to get (but somehow i get the sinking feeling that money will not allow me to get half of what i;d like to get)
that's about it. doesn't seem like much when it's all in a list but i feel like i've done a lot (compared to all this time since july...) i'm glad it's been a bit busier than usual. it takes my mind off the more brutal things in life.
unfortunately i deleted everything off my camera's memory card and only have taken pics of MrL's mum's cat!
i hope you're all having a great november
M
x
Monday, October 31, 2011
idle business
as i'm still stuck at home with no work, i've been on the phone to schools to go and see (2 schools to see tomorrow for teaching positions in january).
and that would be all!
had a nice sunday dinner with the family yesterday. had an awful driving lesson on friday - seriously effected my thoughts on driving. i think it has definitely made me think that i'm a shit driver. i've been getting more stressed about lessons recently rather than feeling 'excited' that i'm going to drive, it's more "errr...uh oh :/"
plus, i hate cold sores. i wish i never had them. please stay away from people with cold sores - you really don't want to catch them. trust me :/
M
x
and that would be all!
had a nice sunday dinner with the family yesterday. had an awful driving lesson on friday - seriously effected my thoughts on driving. i think it has definitely made me think that i'm a shit driver. i've been getting more stressed about lessons recently rather than feeling 'excited' that i'm going to drive, it's more "errr...uh oh :/"
plus, i hate cold sores. i wish i never had them. please stay away from people with cold sores - you really don't want to catch them. trust me :/
M
x
Thursday, October 20, 2011
a big void
mum's ok after her op. dad's been to see her and as you'd expect it was only a fly-in visit (mum was still not quite herself).
again, i just wish i could be home, just to see mum and wish her well and chat to her, and my dad. i kind of feel terrible for them being on their own, especially with mum being in hospital, dad's all alone at home. wish there was something i could do to make them cheer up, get their hopes up.
as for MrL, i feel like every time i try to be sweet and romantic (even if it is only over the phone) i get the feeling of 'why did i bother' i don't quite get the response i anticipate.. it tends to be 'what?' or 'what are you talking about?'. sometimes i feel like giving up but i know i can't. i just want him home. i feel quite bad, i've 'taken over' his house. i've come, moved in, and i sit here all day every day, he doesn't get a moment to be on his own and do his own things. sometimes i feel it would be good for me to get away for a while to let him have time to himself. i don't know. am i wrong? i don't think i am.
because i stayed home and wanted to hear from my dad about mum, i've postponed my job centre visit till tomorrow. i hope i get something going tomorrow. fingers crossed.
M
x
again, i just wish i could be home, just to see mum and wish her well and chat to her, and my dad. i kind of feel terrible for them being on their own, especially with mum being in hospital, dad's all alone at home. wish there was something i could do to make them cheer up, get their hopes up.
as for MrL, i feel like every time i try to be sweet and romantic (even if it is only over the phone) i get the feeling of 'why did i bother' i don't quite get the response i anticipate.. it tends to be 'what?' or 'what are you talking about?'. sometimes i feel like giving up but i know i can't. i just want him home. i feel quite bad, i've 'taken over' his house. i've come, moved in, and i sit here all day every day, he doesn't get a moment to be on his own and do his own things. sometimes i feel it would be good for me to get away for a while to let him have time to himself. i don't know. am i wrong? i don't think i am.
because i stayed home and wanted to hear from my dad about mum, i've postponed my job centre visit till tomorrow. i hope i get something going tomorrow. fingers crossed.
M
x
always something
i got a call from my dad yesterday late in the evening, chitter chatter and then he drops the bombshell 'i took your mother to hospital today' say WHAT?! my dad was so nonchalant about it. u had to pull out all the info and we finally got to the bottom of it - operation. but nothing too serious, just a hysterectomy.
by the time i've written this i should expect it will be all over and mum will be in hospital for the next week, making sure everything is ok. it's times like these (again) that i wish i could go home, even if it was just for the weekend.
btw, aniu, my dad said he saw you by 'tecza' you were catching you bus (to mikolow? to school?) i miss that - seeing friends just out and about. it's a lonely place here at the moment..
M
x
by the time i've written this i should expect it will be all over and mum will be in hospital for the next week, making sure everything is ok. it's times like these (again) that i wish i could go home, even if it was just for the weekend.
btw, aniu, my dad said he saw you by 'tecza' you were catching you bus (to mikolow? to school?) i miss that - seeing friends just out and about. it's a lonely place here at the moment..
M
x
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
hooked
ever since i saw kelly (@kelanjo) playing this song on the piano i fell in love. i had to know who composed it and i listened to the song on loop all evening, and truthfully, i still am listening to it....it's amazing, so beautiful. every time i hear such wonderful piano pieces, it makes me want to play the piano again... i wish i had one here.. especially now that i find myself stuck at home so much.. it would be perfect to sit down and play the piano from time to time.
all the years my parents made me play and then my rebellious years of abandoning the piano just because i was so bored of it... i wish i never had done that! but i didn't like doing what i was told. till this day i'm still the same - you tell me to do something and i will refuse. i will prob do it later but i won't say i have done it. is it just me who's like that?
day one with my exercise and it's going great. surprisingly, i really enjoyed running on the treadmill! i think i can get used to this. of course i'm not telling MrL that i've started exercising because he'd been at me for weeks that i could work out at home seeing that i have so much spare time... but i refused to be told what to do and ignored him. now, i'm secretly working out and i doubt i will tell him, unless he asks. am i weird?
M
x
all the years my parents made me play and then my rebellious years of abandoning the piano just because i was so bored of it... i wish i never had done that! but i didn't like doing what i was told. till this day i'm still the same - you tell me to do something and i will refuse. i will prob do it later but i won't say i have done it. is it just me who's like that?
day one with my exercise and it's going great. surprisingly, i really enjoyed running on the treadmill! i think i can get used to this. of course i'm not telling MrL that i've started exercising because he'd been at me for weeks that i could work out at home seeing that i have so much spare time... but i refused to be told what to do and ignored him. now, i'm secretly working out and i doubt i will tell him, unless he asks. am i weird?
M
x
changes are happening
i've decided i need to change a few things in my life...
- i need to be more positive about everything, i need to put on my so called 'rose-tinted spectacles' and start seeing the good in things.
- i need to get a grip with my exercise (or should i say non-existent exercise). 8-minute workouts plus treadmill. i need to get back into shape and the swing of a more healthy lifestyle.
- i need to start earning money, even if it means i'll be working on the tills at tesco. (look what my teaching course has given me.. .now, now maria, think positive..!)
- i need to start being crafty..no money = no presents for xmas/bdays.... (get my thinking cap on!)
- i need to sleep less...yes, i sleep a hell of a lot. and i shouldn't. now i need to stick to what i say!
- i need to drink plenty of water.
- i need to be more focused and alert whilst driving. i need to push myself and believe in myself more when i'm behind the wheel.
with all this said, i shall now stick to it and start training,drinking water and seeing the positive side to things in life.
oh, actually, on a very positive note - MrL is no longer going on tour! i'm thrilled, he's not. but i can honestly say i am so happy. we'll spend more time together and be happy together, every day!
do you have any plans for some changes?
M
x
p.s. oh, i totally forgot to tell you about some cupcakes i made yesterday. apples, cinnamon and raisins - they were divine. i ate them all. in two days. ha! telling me i need to go on a diet...? yes. i do. motivation is soaring right now. i've eaten all the sweets in the house, no more temptations around, i will do this! anyway, here is a pic
trust me, they were niiiiice...
and on another note - my nail broke. don't you just hate it when that happens. and no, i'm a rebel and i will not shorten my other nails, i don't care if it looks silly i will not have them short! end of rant. goodbye!
- i need to be more positive about everything, i need to put on my so called 'rose-tinted spectacles' and start seeing the good in things.
- i need to get a grip with my exercise (or should i say non-existent exercise). 8-minute workouts plus treadmill. i need to get back into shape and the swing of a more healthy lifestyle.
- i need to start earning money, even if it means i'll be working on the tills at tesco. (look what my teaching course has given me.. .now, now maria, think positive..!)
- i need to start being crafty..no money = no presents for xmas/bdays.... (get my thinking cap on!)
- i need to sleep less...yes, i sleep a hell of a lot. and i shouldn't. now i need to stick to what i say!
- i need to drink plenty of water.
- i need to be more focused and alert whilst driving. i need to push myself and believe in myself more when i'm behind the wheel.
with all this said, i shall now stick to it and start training,drinking water and seeing the positive side to things in life.
oh, actually, on a very positive note - MrL is no longer going on tour! i'm thrilled, he's not. but i can honestly say i am so happy. we'll spend more time together and be happy together, every day!
do you have any plans for some changes?
M
x
p.s. oh, i totally forgot to tell you about some cupcakes i made yesterday. apples, cinnamon and raisins - they were divine. i ate them all. in two days. ha! telling me i need to go on a diet...? yes. i do. motivation is soaring right now. i've eaten all the sweets in the house, no more temptations around, i will do this! anyway, here is a pic
trust me, they were niiiiice...
and on another note - my nail broke. don't you just hate it when that happens. and no, i'm a rebel and i will not shorten my other nails, i don't care if it looks silly i will not have them short! end of rant. goodbye!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
embrace the sun
the past few days have been gray and rainy. today - the sun is out, and i must admit it is making me feel a bit better. i have one payment to make and then my bank account will be on zilch. just wondering how i will cope without my own money. sure, MrL will help me out but i don't want to be dependent of him. i've given in my application form to the pub (has no vacancies though...) and i've signed up to cafe nero (the only coffee shop here). still no work from my agency, to be honest i can't apply with any other agency because i don't have money for all the charges (crb etc) that they ask you to do. i will just have to wait out until i do get some work and just save save save. mind you, i'm so used to not spending money it's unreal. it has been at least 4 months i haven't bought anything for myself (oh, apart from the bb cream that i need to pick up from the post office). what a life.
i've had plenty of car lessons too, which i haven't been updating here as there's not that much to say, apart from - i'm doing ok. it's not fantastic, but it's been going alright. i'm not super confident. last lesson i tried to really focus and think about everything i was doing (as MrL stated: i need to think for myself more) so i did. and becky (my instructor) really thought there was something wrong, i wasn't as talkative, chirpy or distracted (i guess)..i was focused and trying to do things myself without being told "you can go into fourth gear".
i made sunday dinner for the whole family (six people in total) consisting of beef topside, roasties, lots of veg and cheesecake with cream/icecream for dessert. was delicious. didn't take any pics as i was so busy and MrL really wan't helping. in fact, we had a bit of a tiff. why am i the one who always has to tidy the house and make it presentable? so i left him to clean the living room (after having cleaned the bathrooms, kitchen and hallway) and what did he do....? he cleaned up a few papers and went to the garage to 'fix it up'. and when the fam arrived, he stayed there. ugh, he really got under my skin. not giving in though, i don't see why i should do everything around the house.
hope your weekend has been a pleasant one!
M
x
i've had plenty of car lessons too, which i haven't been updating here as there's not that much to say, apart from - i'm doing ok. it's not fantastic, but it's been going alright. i'm not super confident. last lesson i tried to really focus and think about everything i was doing (as MrL stated: i need to think for myself more) so i did. and becky (my instructor) really thought there was something wrong, i wasn't as talkative, chirpy or distracted (i guess)..i was focused and trying to do things myself without being told "you can go into fourth gear".
i made sunday dinner for the whole family (six people in total) consisting of beef topside, roasties, lots of veg and cheesecake with cream/icecream for dessert. was delicious. didn't take any pics as i was so busy and MrL really wan't helping. in fact, we had a bit of a tiff. why am i the one who always has to tidy the house and make it presentable? so i left him to clean the living room (after having cleaned the bathrooms, kitchen and hallway) and what did he do....? he cleaned up a few papers and went to the garage to 'fix it up'. and when the fam arrived, he stayed there. ugh, he really got under my skin. not giving in though, i don't see why i should do everything around the house.
hope your weekend has been a pleasant one!
M
x
Friday, October 7, 2011
think POSITIVE for goodness sake...
ever since monday i've not been feeling too great with myself. i've been continually told that i did extremely well and that i should be really happy with my interview. but as days have passed, and having seen another school, i know how hard it is to even get an interview. i feel incredibly lucky that i had had the opportunity to take part in the interview. i'm not sure how lucky i will be for the following interview(s)...
i haven't heard from my agency about work, which means my bank account is terribly crippled. it's quite embarrassing to be my age and not have money in my account. i'm not helping MrL with any bills, any shopping , any anything really and it's making me feel like such a leech at the moment. i'm beginning to be dependent of MrL...
my driving lessons have made me get more stressed. i've never felt stressed before in my lessons but recently, since i've started going out on the roads and experienced a lot of traffic, holding up people at lights, stalling a gazillion times and losing my back 'L' plate (so noone knew i was a provisional driver on the road!) i've felt like i'm not doing great. i've made silly small mistakes that make me feel as if i'm not making progress. i'm not doing well with starting from a standstill. just little things are starting to bug me. there's so much to remember and do in such a small amount of time...
so, today, i'm home alone and thinking aboyt how i will survive, how can i keep myself sane? how can i get happier? well, i have bourbon biscuits to start with, custard creams and jaffa cakes. it's easy for everyone to keep telling you "think positive!" but it is that much harder to actually do.
how are you coping? is everything good? i hope so...
M
x
p.s. i thought i'd share some pics from last week...just to cheer this post up a bit!
my go at making 'pierogi z miesem' (i made the pastry far too early and it managed to dry out :( - look at the ones on the left!! ugh...but they were quite delicious)
Berwick-upon-Tweed, up in the very northern point of england (right on the border with scotland) where there was sun in the south, there was rain in the north. we made the wrong chocie BUT we still had ice-cream ;)
Holy Island, where the sea ebbs and flows twice a day. we managed to catch it as it flooded the road, amazing sight and an amazing amount of birds out there, very tranquil and isolated.
i haven't heard from my agency about work, which means my bank account is terribly crippled. it's quite embarrassing to be my age and not have money in my account. i'm not helping MrL with any bills, any shopping , any anything really and it's making me feel like such a leech at the moment. i'm beginning to be dependent of MrL...
my driving lessons have made me get more stressed. i've never felt stressed before in my lessons but recently, since i've started going out on the roads and experienced a lot of traffic, holding up people at lights, stalling a gazillion times and losing my back 'L' plate (so noone knew i was a provisional driver on the road!) i've felt like i'm not doing great. i've made silly small mistakes that make me feel as if i'm not making progress. i'm not doing well with starting from a standstill. just little things are starting to bug me. there's so much to remember and do in such a small amount of time...
so, today, i'm home alone and thinking aboyt how i will survive, how can i keep myself sane? how can i get happier? well, i have bourbon biscuits to start with, custard creams and jaffa cakes. it's easy for everyone to keep telling you "think positive!" but it is that much harder to actually do.
how are you coping? is everything good? i hope so...
M
x
p.s. i thought i'd share some pics from last week...just to cheer this post up a bit!
Monday, October 3, 2011
the hardship
it was one heck of a tiring day, interviews are incredibly stressful and packed with constant questions and showing yourself off. this time, i did not succeed.
i got a call four hours after my interview, stating that i was a very strong candidate but they decided to go for someone with experience in KS2. which i was a bit devastated by, i gave that interview my all but it's easy to see that they would prefer someone who has taught in that key stage rather than a complete newbie. they loved my creativity and innovative ideas, they said it was a really tough and close decision. which is meant to cheer me up i guess, and in a way it made me feel great, that i could be on par with someone who has had plenty of experience...nevertheless, i didn't get the job, which is disappointing.
upwards and onwards. will be applying for another school near here and is for year 1, so maybe i might have a bit more chance... fingers crossed. i really would like to have a job.. :(
i do hope your week has started off on a much better note than mine!
M
x
i got a call four hours after my interview, stating that i was a very strong candidate but they decided to go for someone with experience in KS2. which i was a bit devastated by, i gave that interview my all but it's easy to see that they would prefer someone who has taught in that key stage rather than a complete newbie. they loved my creativity and innovative ideas, they said it was a really tough and close decision. which is meant to cheer me up i guess, and in a way it made me feel great, that i could be on par with someone who has had plenty of experience...nevertheless, i didn't get the job, which is disappointing.
upwards and onwards. will be applying for another school near here and is for year 1, so maybe i might have a bit more chance... fingers crossed. i really would like to have a job.. :(
i do hope your week has started off on a much better note than mine!
M
x
Thursday, September 29, 2011
i'm excited!!!!! (and stressed..!)
wow. so, i still haven't heard anything from my agency, so it looks like i'll be home tomorrow too. now, today, i got a call...FROM A SCHOOL. i had applied to a primary school last friday and today i got 'invited' to an interview on monday. the offer is for a year 3 class and the interview looks like it will be really terrifying :/ i have to do a mental maths session and produce a term's worth of material (based on a project that will last circa 6 weeks) with all the objectives, learning intentions and what challenges may appear and how you and the children are learning......ugh. so much to do, so much stress!! i shall spend tomorrow trying to plan my session and then i'll focus on my term planning. i'm really not sure i want to do year 3...it's all a bit daunting. i thought i'd stick to reception and year1 (they are my fav) but i guess sometimes you can't always have what you want.
hope everyone's thursday has been great!
M
x
hope everyone's thursday has been great!
M
x
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
belle journée
it was an absolutely beautiful day today. glorious sunshine and it was so hot! as usual i got up at 6:45 and awaited my 'call' from the agency with some work for me. not today though. and i've been told that the rest of the week will probably not give me any work either. they said (again) next week will bring more work. i wonder. anyway..so i had today off (again, like the previous 3 weeks this month..). i decided not to waste it inside and i donned some shorts, white top, gardening gloves and plastic bag - i did some gardening! now, if you know me well you will know that i hate bugs, worms, spiders and anything along those lines. i managed to clean up the front garden so it now looks immaculate, as if it were planted just yesterday! it looks good. i hope to get compliments soon ;) i need to water my ivy in the back garden...i hope it grows. they are still looking pretty small.
my lovely boyfriend looked at me today (very closely) and told me i'm a 'make-up lady'. now at first i thought, yeah, i do slap on a bit on my face. i just don't like my uneven skin tone and i always try to cover it with heavy foundation (go estee lauder double wear). now, i bought mine as soon as i got back from poland..and i was a bit tanned. wrong move. now, what MrL had in mind (as i asked him to explain) was that i put too much of it on, but more worryingly, he said it looks too orange on me! gah! i do try to mix my darker 'summer' shade with a bit of shell which is one of the lightest shades from estee lauder. but i don't have much of shell left and, to be honest, neither do i have the money to splash out on a new foundation form estee lauder. i took the 'heavy' factor into consideration and i've deliberated on getting a much lighter and less cake-y foundation. i read reviews and swatches and i've decided, in fact, i bought it already (and i'm eagerly awaiting it's arrival) - Missha BB Cream #21. i'm excited to try this and i've heard great things about it, i know it is very light coverage but as long as it evens out my skin tone i'll be more than happy to wear it. i'll let you all know how i get on (once i get it! next week?)
as for the rest of the week i will be trying to enjoy the sunshine that we have in england at the moment! it's wonderful don't you think!
hope you're all having a good week
M
x
my lovely boyfriend looked at me today (very closely) and told me i'm a 'make-up lady'. now at first i thought, yeah, i do slap on a bit on my face. i just don't like my uneven skin tone and i always try to cover it with heavy foundation (go estee lauder double wear). now, i bought mine as soon as i got back from poland..and i was a bit tanned. wrong move. now, what MrL had in mind (as i asked him to explain) was that i put too much of it on, but more worryingly, he said it looks too orange on me! gah! i do try to mix my darker 'summer' shade with a bit of shell which is one of the lightest shades from estee lauder. but i don't have much of shell left and, to be honest, neither do i have the money to splash out on a new foundation form estee lauder. i took the 'heavy' factor into consideration and i've deliberated on getting a much lighter and less cake-y foundation. i read reviews and swatches and i've decided, in fact, i bought it already (and i'm eagerly awaiting it's arrival) - Missha BB Cream #21. i'm excited to try this and i've heard great things about it, i know it is very light coverage but as long as it evens out my skin tone i'll be more than happy to wear it. i'll let you all know how i get on (once i get it! next week?)
as for the rest of the week i will be trying to enjoy the sunshine that we have in england at the moment! it's wonderful don't you think!
hope you're all having a good week
M
x
Friday, September 23, 2011
pourquoi la vie est injuste ?
during the summer and even now i'm still reading posts where people have been away on lavish (and less lavish) holidays, and i seem to think...where is my holiday?? when will i finally go on holiday? i know going home is a 'get-away' but not a proper holiday. today i've taken the last straw, and i know i'm no camel, but I WANT A HOLIDAY. somewhere where it's sunny and there's a beach. greece, france, hawaii - whatever, just bloody take me there!! ugh!
honestly, i haven't been abroad since going to france with my parents when we lived in london. let me tell you... that was WAAAAY back. about 14 years ago....FOURTEEN YEARS AGO, i repeat. bloody hell. that's sad.
i think out of everybody out there - I need the holiday the most.
thank you.
x
honestly, i haven't been abroad since going to france with my parents when we lived in london. let me tell you... that was WAAAAY back. about 14 years ago....FOURTEEN YEARS AGO, i repeat. bloody hell. that's sad.
i think out of everybody out there - I need the holiday the most.
thank you.
x
Thursday, September 22, 2011
nouveau diète
when it comes to my health, it certainly has not been the best. upon moving to poland it definitely did not improve. did it get worse? maybe not, but without a doubt it made my life quite hellish. disregarding my first year there (due to stress etc) things were looking horribly crap. i went to so many doctors, specialists and had quite a few tests done on me (including a CAT scan ;). anyway, after all this time i finally got it - the worst abdominal pain ever. i'd had them before but even at ER they just told me i had inflamed/swollen glands. popped a pill and sent me home. only in poland did someone actually think to do an ultrasound on my stomach which revealed some abnormality, so i was sent straight to do an endoscopic procedure. that literally revealed all. my stomach was a right mess and a quite honestly in a terrible state. my doctor prescribed me antibiotics and pills that i will have to take whenever i get these bouts.
so, again, i worry i have not done enough to protect myself against my condition. i've been eating chocolate, drinking coffee and tea, and overall i've been eating anything and everything (no fast foods though! well, not since i've moved up north. i did eat mcD's once in a while whilst in london.. but not anymore). i've also been told i may have IBS which really doesn't surprise me. no, i don't wish it to anyone, but with all my stomach problems and what has been going on with my health recently (in the past year), i just knew i had IBS.
so i've been doing my research (google, of course) and it really seems all a bit random. i know it is quite a personal thing and not one food will be good/appropriate or every sufferer, so all this reading did not really help that much..i just have to stay away from citrus', bread, fried food, spicy food, tomatoes, BEER, fruit and veg high in fiber, etc etc.
what i have invested in is a set of probiotics (danone actimel), bananas, rice and yogurt. i've spoken to MrL about it and he's more than willing to change his diet (seeing that he wants to get fit for tour) so nouveau diète here we go! oh, and more exercise....that's the hard part. (and to think for months on end i would go to the gym everyday for an hour - it was only two years ago!! what happened to me..?)
i'm back on track guys and i'm already feeling good!
xoxo
so, again, i worry i have not done enough to protect myself against my condition. i've been eating chocolate, drinking coffee and tea, and overall i've been eating anything and everything (no fast foods though! well, not since i've moved up north. i did eat mcD's once in a while whilst in london.. but not anymore). i've also been told i may have IBS which really doesn't surprise me. no, i don't wish it to anyone, but with all my stomach problems and what has been going on with my health recently (in the past year), i just knew i had IBS.
so i've been doing my research (google, of course) and it really seems all a bit random. i know it is quite a personal thing and not one food will be good/appropriate or every sufferer, so all this reading did not really help that much..i just have to stay away from citrus', bread, fried food, spicy food, tomatoes, BEER, fruit and veg high in fiber, etc etc.
what i have invested in is a set of probiotics (danone actimel), bananas, rice and yogurt. i've spoken to MrL about it and he's more than willing to change his diet (seeing that he wants to get fit for tour) so nouveau diète here we go! oh, and more exercise....that's the hard part. (and to think for months on end i would go to the gym everyday for an hour - it was only two years ago!! what happened to me..?)
i'm back on track guys and i'm already feeling good!
xoxo
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
car diary #9
wow, i'm really doing quite well with all this driving. i did stall twice but i just need to practice (or so everyone and i keep telling myself). it's ever so fun driving around my estate - there are so many things going on and i have to think about SO much whilst driving...i wish i was at the stage where everything was just second nature.
today MrL's dad took me out in the car again. he seems to be really enjoying it, plus he's commented on how well i've been doing and he sees a major improvement since last time - nothing like a bit of positive reinforcement!!
i visited the school on monday - i am applying for it but they just don't seem that interested in an NQT teacher. as for the other school for year 1 - the school is looking for someone with two years experience and who has been an ict coordinator so they can continue that in this school.......does this scream 'we're not looking for you' or what!?
with all this 'stress' my stomach has finally started acting up. i've been on toast today. fingers crossed it's not anything serious. if it doesn't go by monday i guess i'll have to take my meds to calm it down. no coffee for me!! i need to switch to decaf for sure.
we had such a beautiful sunset yesterday i thought i'd share a pic of it with you
the picture doesn't do the view and colours justice at all - the beautiful orange, pink and purple shades were amazing, made me come out of the house and snap some pics! trust me, it was so beautiful.
today, came wind and rain, really not a pretty day at all. we're ever closer to the weekend (MrL will be back home for a week!! yipee!) on a downer i've had no jobs. its such a joke this agency. so, i'm sat at home for the third week running since school started. MAKE SOME TEACHERS SICK PLEASE. i just want to earn a bit of cash - am i asking for too much? a day or two a week would be fine! that's all i ask....
hope you're all doing well
i'm catching up on the new series of "location, location, location" and then some new "grand designs" all on channel4...that's my evening for you.
xoxo
today MrL's dad took me out in the car again. he seems to be really enjoying it, plus he's commented on how well i've been doing and he sees a major improvement since last time - nothing like a bit of positive reinforcement!!
i visited the school on monday - i am applying for it but they just don't seem that interested in an NQT teacher. as for the other school for year 1 - the school is looking for someone with two years experience and who has been an ict coordinator so they can continue that in this school.......does this scream 'we're not looking for you' or what!?
with all this 'stress' my stomach has finally started acting up. i've been on toast today. fingers crossed it's not anything serious. if it doesn't go by monday i guess i'll have to take my meds to calm it down. no coffee for me!! i need to switch to decaf for sure.
we had such a beautiful sunset yesterday i thought i'd share a pic of it with you
the picture doesn't do the view and colours justice at all - the beautiful orange, pink and purple shades were amazing, made me come out of the house and snap some pics! trust me, it was so beautiful.
today, came wind and rain, really not a pretty day at all. we're ever closer to the weekend (MrL will be back home for a week!! yipee!) on a downer i've had no jobs. its such a joke this agency. so, i'm sat at home for the third week running since school started. MAKE SOME TEACHERS SICK PLEASE. i just want to earn a bit of cash - am i asking for too much? a day or two a week would be fine! that's all i ask....
hope you're all doing well
i'm catching up on the new series of "location, location, location" and then some new "grand designs" all on channel4...that's my evening for you.
xoxo
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