idle business

as i'm still stuck at home with no work, i've been on the phone to schools to go and see (2 schools to see tomorrow for teaching positions in january).

and that would be all!

had a nice sunday dinner with the family yesterday. had an awful driving lesson on friday - seriously effected my thoughts on driving. i think it has definitely made me think that i'm a shit driver. i've been getting more stressed about lessons recently rather than feeling 'excited' that i'm going to drive, it's more "errr...uh oh :/"

plus, i hate cold sores. i wish i never had them. please stay away from people with cold sores - you really don't want to catch them. trust me :/

M
x

a big void

mum's ok after her op. dad's been to see her and as you'd expect it was only a fly-in visit (mum was still not quite herself).

again, i just wish i could be home, just to see mum and wish her well and chat to her, and my dad. i kind of feel terrible for them being on their own, especially with mum being in hospital, dad's all alone at home. wish there was something i could do to make them cheer up, get their hopes up.

as for MrL, i feel like every time i try to be sweet and romantic (even if it is only over the phone) i get the feeling of 'why did i bother' i don't quite get the response i anticipate.. it tends to be 'what?' or 'what are you talking about?'. sometimes i feel like giving up but i know i can't. i just want him home. i feel quite bad, i've 'taken over' his house. i've come, moved in, and i sit here all day every day, he doesn't get a moment to be on his own and do his own things. sometimes i feel it would be good for me to get away for a while to let him have time to himself. i don't know. am i wrong? i don't think i am.

because i stayed home and wanted to hear from my dad about mum, i've postponed my job centre visit till tomorrow. i hope i get something going tomorrow. fingers crossed.

M
x

always something

i got a call from my dad yesterday late in the evening, chitter chatter and then he drops the bombshell 'i took your mother to hospital today' say WHAT?! my dad was so nonchalant about it. u had to pull out all the info and we finally got to the bottom of it - operation. but nothing too serious, just a hysterectomy.

by the time i've written this i should expect it will be all over and mum will be in hospital for the next week, making sure everything is ok. it's times like these (again) that i wish i could go home, even if it was just for the weekend.

btw, aniu, my dad said he saw you by 'tecza' you were catching you bus (to mikolow? to school?) i miss that - seeing friends just out and about. it's a lonely place here at the moment..

M
x

hooked

ever since i saw kelly (@kelanjo) playing this song on the piano i fell in love. i had to know who composed it and i listened to the song on loop all evening, and truthfully, i still am listening to it....it's amazing, so beautiful. every time i hear such wonderful piano pieces, it makes me want to play the piano again... i wish i had one here.. especially now that i find myself stuck at home so much.. it would be perfect to sit down and play the piano from time to time.

all the years my parents made me play and then my rebellious years of abandoning the piano just because i was so bored of it... i wish i never had done that! but i didn't like doing what i was told. till this day i'm still the same - you tell me to do something and i will refuse. i will prob do it later but i won't say i have done it. is it just me who's like that?

day one with my exercise and it's going great. surprisingly, i really enjoyed running on the treadmill! i think i can get used to this. of course i'm not telling MrL that i've started exercising because he'd been at me for weeks that i could work out at home seeing that i have so much spare time... but i refused to be told what to do and ignored him. now, i'm secretly working out and i doubt i will tell him, unless he asks. am i weird?

M
x

changes are happening

i've decided i need to change a few things in my life...

-  i need to be more positive about everything, i need to put on my so called 'rose-tinted spectacles' and start seeing the good in things.

-  i need to get a grip with my exercise (or should i say non-existent exercise). 8-minute workouts plus treadmill. i need to get back into shape and the swing of a more healthy lifestyle.

-  i need to start earning money, even if it means i'll be working on the tills at tesco. (look what my teaching course has given me.. .now, now maria, think positive..!)

-  i need to start being crafty..no money = no presents for xmas/bdays.... (get my thinking cap on!)

-  i need to sleep less...yes, i sleep a hell of a lot. and i shouldn't. now i need to stick to what i say!

-  i need to drink plenty of water.

-  i need to be more focused and alert whilst driving. i need to push myself and believe in myself more when i'm behind the wheel.

with all this said, i shall now stick to it and start training,drinking water and seeing the positive side to things in life.

oh, actually, on a very positive note - MrL is no longer going on tour! i'm thrilled, he's not. but i can honestly say i am so happy. we'll spend more time together and be happy together, every day!

do you have any plans for some changes?

M
x

p.s. oh, i totally forgot to tell you about some cupcakes i made yesterday. apples, cinnamon and raisins - they were divine. i ate them all. in two days. ha! telling me i need to go on a diet...? yes. i do. motivation is soaring right now. i've eaten all the sweets in the house, no more temptations around, i will do this! anyway, here is a pic

trust me, they were niiiiice...

and on another note - my nail broke. don't you just hate it when that happens. and no, i'm a rebel and i will not shorten my other nails, i don't care if it looks silly i will not have them short! end of rant. goodbye!

embrace the sun

the past few days have been gray and rainy. today - the sun is out, and i must admit it is making me feel a bit better. i have one payment to make and then my bank account will be on zilch. just wondering how i will cope without my own money. sure, MrL will help me out but i don't want to be dependent of him. i've given in my application form to the pub (has no vacancies though...) and i've signed up to cafe nero (the only coffee shop here). still no work from my agency, to be honest i can't apply with any other agency because i don't have money for all the charges (crb etc) that they ask you to do. i will just have to wait out until i do get some work and just save save save. mind you, i'm so used to not spending money it's unreal. it has been at least 4 months i haven't bought anything for myself (oh, apart from the bb cream that i need to pick up from the post office). what a life.

i've had plenty of car lessons too, which i haven't been updating here as there's not that much to say, apart from  - i'm doing ok. it's not fantastic, but it's been going alright. i'm not super confident. last lesson i tried to really focus and think about everything i was doing (as MrL stated: i need to think for myself more) so i did. and becky (my instructor) really thought there was something wrong, i wasn't as talkative, chirpy or distracted (i guess)..i was focused and trying to do things myself without being told "you can go into fourth gear".

i made sunday dinner for the whole family (six people in total) consisting of beef topside, roasties, lots of veg and cheesecake with cream/icecream for dessert. was delicious. didn't take any pics as i was so busy and MrL really wan't helping. in fact, we had a bit of a tiff. why am i the one who always has to tidy the house and make it presentable? so i left him to clean the living room (after having cleaned the bathrooms, kitchen and hallway) and what did he do....? he cleaned up a few papers and went to the garage to 'fix it up'. and when the fam arrived, he stayed there. ugh, he really got under my skin. not giving in though, i don't see why i should do everything around the house.

hope your weekend has been a pleasant one!

M
x

think POSITIVE for goodness sake...

ever since monday i've not been feeling too great with myself. i've been continually told that i did extremely well and that i should be really happy with my interview. but as days have passed, and having seen another school, i know how hard it is to even get an interview. i feel incredibly lucky that i had had the opportunity to take part in the interview. i'm not sure how lucky i will be for the following interview(s)...

i haven't heard from my agency about work, which means my bank account is terribly crippled. it's quite embarrassing to be my age and not have money in my account. i'm not helping MrL with any bills, any shopping , any anything really and it's making me feel like such a leech at the moment. i'm beginning to be dependent of MrL...

my driving lessons have made me get more stressed. i've never felt stressed before in my lessons but recently, since i've started going out on the roads and experienced a lot of traffic, holding up people at lights, stalling a gazillion times and losing my back 'L' plate (so noone knew i was a provisional driver on the road!) i've felt like i'm not doing great. i've made silly small mistakes that make me feel as if i'm not making progress. i'm not doing well with starting from a standstill. just little things are starting to bug me. there's so much to remember and do in such a  small amount of time...

so, today, i'm home alone and thinking aboyt how i will survive, how can i keep myself sane? how can i get happier? well, i have bourbon biscuits to start with, custard creams and jaffa cakes. it's easy for everyone to keep telling you "think positive!" but it is that much harder to actually do.

how are you coping? is everything good? i hope so...

M
x

p.s. i thought i'd share some pics from last week...just to cheer this post up a bit!

 my go at making 'pierogi z miesem' (i made the pastry far too early and it managed to dry out :( - look at the ones on the left!! ugh...but they were quite delicious)

Berwick-upon-Tweed, up in the very northern point of england (right on the border with scotland) where there was sun in the south, there was rain in the north. we made the wrong chocie BUT we still had ice-cream ;)

Holy Island, where the sea ebbs and flows twice a day. we managed to catch it as it flooded the road, amazing sight and an amazing amount of birds out there, very tranquil and isolated.

the hardship

it was one heck of a tiring day, interviews are incredibly stressful and packed with constant questions and showing yourself off. this time, i did not succeed.

i got a call four hours after my interview, stating that i was a very strong candidate but they decided to go for someone with experience in KS2. which i was a bit devastated by, i gave that interview my all but it's easy to see that they would prefer someone who has taught in that key stage rather than a complete newbie. they loved my creativity and innovative ideas, they said it was a really tough and close decision. which is meant to cheer me up i guess, and in a way it made me feel great, that i could be on par with someone who has had plenty of experience...nevertheless, i didn't get the job, which is disappointing.

upwards and onwards. will be applying for another school near here and is for year 1, so maybe i might have a bit more chance... fingers crossed. i really would like to have a job.. :(

i do hope your week has started off on a much better note than mine!

M
x

i'm excited!!!!! (and stressed..!)

wow. so, i still haven't heard anything from my agency, so it looks like i'll be home tomorrow too. now, today, i got a call...FROM A SCHOOL. i had applied to a primary school last friday and today i got 'invited' to an interview on monday. the offer is for a year 3 class and the interview looks like it will be really terrifying :/ i have to do a mental maths session and produce a term's worth of material (based on a project that will last circa 6 weeks) with all the objectives, learning intentions and what challenges may appear and how you and the children are learning......ugh. so much to do, so much stress!! i shall spend tomorrow trying to plan my session and then i'll focus on my term planning. i'm really not sure i want to do year 3...it's all a bit daunting. i thought i'd stick to reception and year1 (they are my fav) but i guess sometimes you can't always have what you want.

hope everyone's thursday has been great!

M
x

belle journée

it was an absolutely beautiful day today. glorious sunshine and it was so hot! as usual i got up at 6:45 and awaited my 'call' from the agency with some work for me. not today though. and i've been told that the rest of the week will probably not give me any work either. they said (again) next week will bring more work. i wonder. anyway..so i had today off (again, like the previous 3 weeks this month..). i decided not to waste it inside and i donned some shorts, white top, gardening gloves and plastic bag - i did some gardening! now, if you know me well you will know that i hate bugs, worms, spiders and anything along those lines. i managed to clean up the front garden so it now looks immaculate, as if it were planted just yesterday! it looks good. i hope to get compliments soon ;) i need to water my ivy in the back garden...i hope it grows. they are still looking pretty small.

my lovely boyfriend looked at me today (very closely) and told me i'm a 'make-up lady'. now at first i thought, yeah, i do slap on a bit on my face. i just don't like my uneven skin tone and i always try to cover it with heavy foundation (go estee lauder double wear). now, i bought mine as soon as i got back from poland..and i was a bit tanned. wrong move. now, what MrL had in mind (as i asked him to explain) was that i put too much of it on, but more worryingly, he said it looks too orange on me! gah! i do try to mix my darker 'summer' shade with a bit of shell which is one of the lightest shades from estee lauder. but i don't have much of shell left and, to be honest, neither do i have the money to splash out on a new foundation form estee lauder. i took the 'heavy' factor into consideration and i've deliberated on getting a much lighter and less cake-y foundation. i read reviews and swatches and i've decided, in fact, i bought it already (and i'm eagerly awaiting it's arrival) - Missha BB Cream #21. i'm excited to try this and i've heard great things about it, i know it is very light coverage but as long as it evens out my skin tone i'll be more than happy to wear it. i'll let you all know how i get on (once i get it! next week?)

as for the rest of the week i will be trying to enjoy the sunshine that we have in england at the moment! it's wonderful don't you think!

hope you're all having a good week

M
x

pourquoi la vie est injuste ?

during the summer and even now i'm still reading posts where people have been away on lavish (and less lavish) holidays, and i seem to think...where is my holiday?? when will i finally go on holiday? i know going home is a 'get-away' but not a proper holiday. today i've taken the last straw, and i know i'm no camel, but I WANT A HOLIDAY. somewhere where it's sunny and there's a beach. greece, france, hawaii - whatever, just bloody take me there!! ugh!

honestly, i haven't been abroad since going to france with my parents when we lived in london. let me tell you... that was WAAAAY back. about 14 years ago....FOURTEEN YEARS AGO, i repeat. bloody hell. that's sad.

i think out of everybody out there - I need the holiday the most.

thank you.

x

nouveau diète

when it comes to my health, it certainly has not been the best. upon moving to poland it definitely did not improve. did it get worse? maybe not, but without a doubt it made my life quite hellish. disregarding my first year there (due to stress etc) things were looking horribly crap. i went to so many doctors, specialists and had quite a few tests done on me (including a CAT scan ;). anyway, after all this time i finally got it - the worst abdominal pain ever. i'd had them before but even at ER they just told me i had inflamed/swollen glands. popped a pill and sent me home. only in poland did someone actually think to do an ultrasound on my stomach which revealed some abnormality, so i was sent straight to do an endoscopic procedure. that literally revealed all. my stomach was a right mess and a quite honestly in a terrible state. my doctor prescribed me antibiotics and pills that i will have to take whenever i get these bouts.

so, again, i worry i have not done enough to protect myself against my condition. i've been eating chocolate, drinking coffee and tea, and overall i've been eating anything and everything (no fast foods though! well, not since i've moved up north. i did eat mcD's once in a while whilst in london.. but not anymore). i've also been told i may have IBS which really doesn't surprise me. no, i don't wish it to anyone, but with all my stomach problems and what has been going on with my health recently (in the past year), i just knew i had IBS.

so i've been doing my research (google, of course) and it really seems all a bit random. i know it is quite a personal thing and not one food will be good/appropriate or every sufferer, so all this reading did not really help that much..i just have to stay away from citrus', bread, fried food, spicy food, tomatoes, BEER, fruit and veg high in fiber, etc etc.

what i have invested in is a set of probiotics (danone actimel), bananas, rice and yogurt. i've spoken to MrL about it and he's more than willing to change his diet (seeing that he wants to get fit for tour) so nouveau diète here we go! oh, and more exercise....that's the hard part. (and to think for months on end i would go to the gym everyday for an hour - it was only two years ago!! what happened to me..?)

i'm back on track guys and i'm already feeling good!

xoxo

car diary #9

wow, i'm really doing quite well with all this driving. i did stall twice but i just need to practice (or so everyone and i keep telling myself). it's ever so fun driving around my estate - there are so many things going on and i have to think about SO much whilst driving...i wish i was at the stage where everything was just second nature.
today MrL's dad took me out in the car again. he seems to be really enjoying it, plus he's commented on how well i've been doing and he sees a major improvement since last time - nothing like a bit of positive reinforcement!!

i visited the school on monday - i am applying for it but they just don't seem that interested in an NQT teacher. as for the other school for year 1 - the school is looking for someone with two years experience and who has been an ict coordinator so they can continue that in this school.......does this scream 'we're not looking for you' or what!?

with all this 'stress' my stomach has finally started acting up. i've been on toast today. fingers crossed it's not anything serious. if it doesn't go by monday i guess i'll have to take my meds to calm it down. no coffee for me!! i need to switch to decaf for sure.

we had such a beautiful sunset yesterday i thought i'd share a pic of it with you

the picture doesn't do the view and colours justice at all - the beautiful orange, pink and purple shades were amazing, made me come out of the house and snap some pics! trust me, it was so beautiful.

today, came wind and rain, really not a pretty day at all. we're ever closer to  the weekend (MrL will be back home for a week!! yipee!) on a downer i've had no jobs. its such a joke this agency. so, i'm sat at home for the third week running since school started. MAKE SOME TEACHERS SICK PLEASE. i just want to earn a bit of cash - am i asking for too much? a day or two a week would be fine! that's all i ask....

hope you're all doing well
i'm catching up on the new series of "location, location, location" and then some new "grand designs" all on channel4...that's my evening for you.

xoxo

on top of the world (car diary #8)

what a fantastic lesson i had today. straight into the deep end - from start to finish it was ME behind the wheel. yes, teesside, time to be afraid, Maria is out on the roads. what a blast! never thought i'd enjoy it so much. i can't wait to do it again.

tomorrow i'm viewing a school that has a position for a year 3 teacher...fingers crossed it goes down well so that i will want to apply for it...! also, sending off an application to a school just down the road for a year 1 position (YES PLEASE!!)

that's all for now folks!

xoxo

car diary #6,7

my lovlies..i had a fantastic lesson yesterday with my wonderful driving instructor becky. we still went around just an industrial estate. i printed off google map of how to get to the estate, and, as you do..we got lost. well, we knew we were not going in the right direction. so i put all our faith into road signs and we headed out into the world. funnily enough - we got there. we spent an hour driving around - it was amazing, junctions, t-junctions AND roundabouts! i had so much fun. i felt totally at ease in the car during the whole lesson.i actually started enjoying driving!

then again, this morning MrL's father came round and took me out in my car. we drove to tesco car park (which was a bit busy) but we did our stuff and drove around forwards and backwards (i really suck at reversing). surprisingly, he was happy with how i drove and thought i'd be much worse. hm. come tomorrow i hope MrL will take me out too and i hope to go on saturday. i need to get as much practice in as possible.

as for work - that's still a no-no. i don't have any. tomorrow i'm going to tesco and hope they will take me on for at least the weekends. my bank account is practically crying out. i need a job. now.

thank you xoxo

stress

why is it, that before every driving lesson i stress? is this normal? i don't have many lessons, maybe that's why....? i don't do it often enough so it's still something new and i know i'm not so great at it, which all accumulates and makes me inevitably STRESS. well, i have another lesson tonight so keep your fingers crossed i don't stall and don't stress.

it's been horrendously windy these past few days, it's all the remnants of the hurricane from the states. it's gone done today but you still get the odd gust that nearly sweeps you off your feet. it took me forever to walk home from the bus stop yesterday!

i've surprisingly done a lot of cleaning in the house, i need to vacuum but i'll do that tomorrow. oh, another thing, i've got a driving 'practice' lesson with MrL's dad tomorrow... that should be fun. i think i might be stressing more over that than today's lesson!!!! argh!!!

hope you're all well
xoxo

car diary #5/ ramble

junctions. signalling and turning! it was fun i must admit. the reversing - not so much. i can't steer to save my life when i reverse. lovely. that's pretty much it for my car innuendos.

i am still considering going to a pub and working for a while until i get some jobs from my teaching agency. however, how on earth will i when there is nothing out there!? ugh. it's so annoying, it's getting on my tits. big time. MrL has left for two weeks today and i'm already wondering what i'll do with myself...
- go to the local pub (again) and ask for ANYTHING, even a few hours...i just want a job!
- mow the lawn
- cover the car
- hoover my car (it is MINGING)
- hoover the house and general spring clean
- paperwork --> file it
- sort out the kitchen (ie tidy)

that's pretty much it.

one of me best friends is in london, and it's just made me thought about how much i miss it. i've never really sat down and mulled over the fact that i'm not there anymore. i miss it. i miss the possibility of hopping on the underground and going to the city, walking around (obs window shopping) and getting coffee at starbucks (something i truly miss up here - starbucks). i love to people watch too, which is not happening here. all i can see out of my window are more houses and, er, yeah, the street.

 that is literally all i can see from the kitchen window round the front. also, when i look down i see this:

yes, the plants that are slowly (quickly?) dying in the front garden. it gets unbelievably windy up here and the plants take an awful battering. i have no idea how they actually survive!

what a difference to the views i had in london. plus there really is nothing to do here. i've come accustomed to being on my own at home. but i must admit, i cannot wait to get out and be busy in a school. i need to meet people and make friends. otherwise, my life will be ultra boring.

on a positive note (not for my bank though) i made a ma-hoo-sive shop on amazon (have i mentioned this before?) and i went 'school shopping' mad. i've bought tons of stickers which arrived today!

express delivery is great. i'm still waiting for my tambourine, book, poly pockets and more stickers! hopefully they'll get here on monday.

seriously nothing else is going on in my life. hope you're all well and having a great weekend

xoxo

everyday woes

i have signed up to a teaching agency! hoorah. until they receive my crb i won't get anything, so fingers crossed they get it by next week. i'm so utterly skint it's unbelievable. i need to work. i am limited. i can only teach in my local area, as i can only commute by bus at the moment, hence why i need to do my driving test asap. but i need to learn to drive first. ugh. i can't wait to teach! i've been waiting for this for so long. i am aware, however, that i won't have work everyday. but anything at the moment will suffice. in fact, i've been doing so much reading and i have a possible amazon shopping spree ahead - i need to stock up on so much (ie stickers, children's books, pens, folders etc) just backup items i will need when going to schools.

wish me luck guys! and more importantly, pray that i get a permanent job SOON. i don't want to be supply all this next year. i need to get my induction done and i want a class of my own! to teach and bring up as MY OWN.

xoxo

Car diary #2, 3 & 4

as a word of thanks, i owe my correct title to ania (dairy..diary ;)

right, my second driving 'lesson' was sponsored by the word FAIL. it was absolutely awful. it started fantastically - three perfect set offs, but then..disaster struck. i could no longer start and i kept stalling the car. for a whole HOUR. it was torture. and it ended in tears and an argument. no beuno.

so MrL asked a friend (who is a driving instructor) to give me a lesson. so we come to my third lesson, which was amazing. i set off, i bloody well set off! no problems! just goes to show what a real instructor can do (although i have heard of crap instructors..). so, having learnt HOW to set off it was time to put it into practice with MrL the following day.

and my fourth lesson was at a football stadium car park, where i set off every time - no stalling whatsoever! however, i set off quite slowly...i need to quicken that. next lesson may be tomorrow or friday. will be practicing signaling and turning at a junction! yikes!

xoxo

p.s. i present you with MY CAR! anyone have any name suggestions?

Car diary #1

as some of you already know, MrL got me a car yesterday. we managed to get it in the afternoon and as soon as we got it home we went online to get me some insurance and breakdown cover (you just never know!). we drove to tesco and got me some magnetic L plates to whack on and this is where the fun started.

 we stayed in the car park at tesco (bear in mind it was about 10pm). i stalled the car a couple of times, i kangaroo-ed like crazy AND i had to deal with silly people who drove my way in the car park! we really need to go to a place where i can just practice stopping and starting my vehicle. oh dear, i haven't even mentioned what it is! my car is a 2003 citroen saxo in royal blue. it looks good. the interior is...a bit iffy, hasn't been cleaned in YEARS. the chairs are falling apart (they move about quite a bit) so we're getting them changed tomorrow. apart from a few squeaks and a certain rattle whilst turning right, the car seems absolutely fine. i'll try and put up some pics tomorrow as unbelievably i haven't taken any yet.

so my journey with my saxo begins. driving will commence and i'll let you all know how 'well' i drove today.

xoxo