sirens, alerts, red lamps..

'virgin' on the loose.

i feel 'like a virgin'. although i haven't been touched by anyone in what... 9 months?! geez, that's long enough to have given birth and gotten pregnant again (well, nearly..). maaaan. i've been watching way too much sex and the city + a fair share of desperate housewives. that's all i've been doing these past few days - catching up on tv series. how sad. but thanks to them, i've come to realise what i'm missing out on. it didn't really bother me until someone decided to tell me about their "fabulous weekend aaaaaaand - it was just the beginning!!!!" [scream]. mhh.
and then came the tv shows and there i was on my couch thinking - i'm 24.. and i need a man. well, a man with a working penis would be great. but it's not just about the sex. it's about the quality time spent talking and laughing. i miss all of that. i'm scared i'm missing out on too much at my age. i should be out there, having fun, enjoying myself, going to parties and making out with whoever is handsome enough and maybe even having sex every night would be a bonus.
but no.
why cant i be a free soul in london [new york would do me fine too!]?
it seems so strange for me - those 9 months [wow, i cant even believe its been so long..sniff]. that's the longest i haven't slept with a guy since i was 19. can you imagine what's it's like for me? ever since i was 19 i've always had someone. and now? payback time? did i do something wrong? maybe it's because i'm here and my man is somewhere 'out there' in the BIG WORLD. i need my holiday. and God.. please make it worth while!



hopin.. and prayin, and hopin, and prayin...

boys may come and boys may go, but girlfriends are forever

and so i went to see sex and the city.. many of you may think i'm crazy but hell yeah - it was good stuff, i absolutely loved every single second of it. i wish i could go again, however my funds are nonexistent so i shall have to make do with all that i've got. but it's so true that boys [men in some cases] come and go, but girlfriends always stay. i have in mind two most important girls in my life and i hope that some day we'll be like satc women!

it all made me, for some reason, crave going to new york. i really would like to go there for at least 6 months. agata, we have to figure something out and go! and i'm not taking no for an answer! but wouldnt it be all the more fun having so much money and dressing up in prada and gucci... oh well. maybe some day...

enjoy the summer sun lads and ladettes.
i need a tan.

dr feelgood

from today, ca 12pm, i am finally living my summer. had my last exam during this academic year. woot woot. i put on the worst tights made on earth - no lycra and the top had no elastic band, so you can imagine..i had them constantly falling down to my thighs all day long..ugh..couldn't wait to get out of them ;]

oh bliss at last. SUMMER ladies and gentlemen, s u m m e r !

all this time i was waiting..its finally here. from tomorrow - drinking starts! ha.
for now, its time for bed an a huuuuge lie in tomorrow.. this is insane, it feels so unreal.. someone pinch me, is it really summer?!





yay!

craptacular

craptacular is how today goes by.
not only did our course teacher tell us we sucked in our use of english part, the listening today wasnt at all easy. i got mixed feelings and it aint good at all. i just want tomorrow to be over, get my grade (find out i passed would be enough), go home, kick off my shoes and laze about for the rest of my summer days. i'm so tired of this session..

i'm actually quite grateful that i'm flying out in july and not right after my finals..at least this way i'll have a few extra days to do nothing and take advantage of the fact that its summer and not run like mad all around the pub, collecting plates, glasses or standing behind the bar, pulling pints and smiling from ear to ear, pretending that my feet dont hurt at all.... ahh.. summer awaits!

hopefully i will shed some kilos too.

for now, i'm off to drink my (belated) five o'clock tea. ta-ta.

like a virgin

if you've no idea what i'm on about, go figure. or ask dvd.

good day today. slowly coming to an end, summer is closing in on us at such a speed its overwhelming! have i said - i cannot wait!!!

just two more days to go, fingers crossed the listening exam will be a piece of cake.



still when i'm a mess, i still put on a vest
with an S on my chest
oh yes, i'm a superwoman
yes i am

roll on the practical english exam

i'm ready baby.
even though i didnt learn much - i'm ready as i'll ever be!
i've set my mood to 'good' so you better not spoil it you stupid exam or else i'll rip your little paper body apart and throw you in the bin! and then i'll complain to your makers what a decent piece of rubbish they made of you!

i have absolutely no intention of being scared of you.
in fact, i'm going to treat you like a piece of calorie-free cake.

mmm.

am i going mad?
i think i'm just tired.

night all.

(watch me brandish that exam.. rendering it helpless..in lieu of it making me squirm and be put on the brink of sanity, i will not have a memory like a sieve tomorrow, i will extenuate that exam, i will distinguish myself in the battle of the third year's practical exam. i have no other option but to pass. you, dear exam, are in serious risk of being written all over by my pen. i will relish these moment dearly. and once i'm done, i will not tolerate peoples woes and mourning. i will be forgone that all people will have a smile on their face and we will adjourn and go home in peace.)

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

listen real hard if you'd like to hear, and watch real close or i'll disappear

here i am sitting over 50 pages worth of words, phrasal verbs, idioms, proverbs and whatnot.
it's the third time i'll be writing this exam. and to tell you the truth - today i'm pretty pissed off about it. they wouldn't let me off the hook and had to put me through the traumatic time of session, maybe before i never worried about my practical exam, and to be frank i'm not really peeing my pants just yet. but tomorrow, when we'll be in the hall, sitting at our desks, my heart will be racing.
i'm so fed up that even though i passed my previous two exams (of the same damn thing) i have to write it AGAIN.

i'm in such a bad mood today.
i hate these papers. i hate these words. i'll use them as scrap paper once i'm done. and to make things worse - i've got my period, so expect me to be snappy. i didnt go to the gym today, i couldnt be bothered to lift a finger.

i'm going to be sinful and make myself a cup of coffee now, thats all i'm yearning. i shall even embellish it with some frothy milk. mmm.

oh, andy's back in my life. we had a bit of a break up for no reason.
i like writing to him. funny how he manages to make smile even though we're so far apart and have never seen each other in real life.

i heard from my girl magda, she's in st ives already and i'll be joining her on 9th july. i cannot wait. summer's nearly here guys... nearly!

just wishing for some sun though..

sprechen sie deutsch?

i've been living, dreaming, eating, sleeping and generally living my end of course assessment for the past couple of days. that is why my posts have been so scarce recently. for example today i had 12 full hours of german, from 12-24. but how much will i remember? i am amazed and a little scared that it's the end of the year..

few exams coming up this week. keep your fingers crossed.

it'll be back to the grindstone tomorrow though.

i suspect that a quick shower and sleep is the most sensible option right now.

cheerio.

loving it

my hair obviously! i cannot imagine how i could tell you how it feels.. on one hand it's so strange and my two years of growing out my hair has gone, but on the other hand, it's so light, new and fresh. i love it. the biggest thanks goes out to my hairdresser.

this week has been flying by so quickly it's astonishing. already it's wednesday.. thursday i've got an exam friday and then two more exams and it's all done and over. wow. i stopped counting the days till i leave as i've come to the point that i'm starting to want more days ;) i'm not sure i'm ready to go to work again for the summer in the pub, it really aint that easy and carefree as some people would think it is. its hard work.

stomach's been getting worse again. i should change my diet. i want more exercise. but first i need to concentrate on my diet and help out my poor stomach.

i need a tan too. that's for sure.

flowerbed of destiny

"Sarah" Declan O'Rourke

i had an amazing day yesterday. could not have been any better :] i was practically out all day.

thanks to randy andy i've found a new love - declan o'rourke.. amazing singer songwriter from dublin. totally hooked on his music at the moment. for the first time, i heard the script played on the radio today - i was so so shocked!

i wonder what tomorrow will bring? last week of classes.. its so hard to believe..its all gone so quickly. i still remember the first time i stepped into the room of group 2a and was wondering what kind of people i'll meet. i was, of course, pleasantly surprised. of all the groups i've encountered, i can frankly say that this group is the best in all ways.

anyhow, i need sleep and i need a new stomach.
help.

bitter sweet

every time i looked over at paweł or piotrek, my eyes filled up with tears. it was hard to hold them back. it was a hard day. saying farewell but also hoping to see each other again some day.

it's not an easy thing to see someone who you truly loved and cared for, talked to and laughed with for years, carried into a graveyard and set into the ground. saying my condolences to my aunt shattered my strength and i gave into grief. it was inevitable. i'm a teary person.

so it finally happened. he's really gone and never coming back.
i still haven't gotten ever it.


oh, and i feel like a compete idiot with my 4+ compared to those 5+'s that other group members got - i hate you all ;]

urgh. i feel so useless. gym tomorrow at 8am. maybe that will bring some life back into my body and soul?

summer session

is creeping up.
ew.

make it go away!

but on the other hand, i cannot believe time has gone so quickly, i feel like it was only a few days ago when i was venting about how much i want to go to England, and now look - only a month away.. wow!

i'm happy, and anxious at the same time. i want it all behind me. and only summer to look forward to but life aint no bed of roses.

i need sleep. who will give me some of theirs?

night night

distraction

tired that i was learning grammar, i did not mind this little distraction. need i say more :]?

cool beans

gosh , there are so many topics i currently want to talk about and i have at least six unfinished posts on my computer, but i dont have the time to blog properly at the moment, sadly. on a more brighter note - i went down to the gym today and had a whole two hours of treadmill/orbitrek/bike (i dont know how i will get up tomorrow morning!), cleaned out my wardrobe (success!), prepared for this week at college (wow!) and have plans to go to dublin during the summer to meet up with a few (but how special and dear to my heart) people.
personal life? forget it. the most fun i'm having right now is the temporary distraction of flirting over my myspace inbox with 'randy andy sugar and candy', dont get me wrong but he's a cute guy and a great guy to talk with, i guess nothing more due to the distance. shame. tragic? perhaps, but hey, just over a month an i'll be off to england and i plan to enjoy myself thoroughly whilst i'm there..

calorie intake, jaffa cakes and the evil day of the month

to cut a long story short..

i've been writing down everything i eat and counting calories. it doesnt look too bad. but i still feel like i have room for improvement. however, today i just let my hormones rule. i devoured a billion jaffa cakes. it was like i was under a spell. i coudnt (and in fact didnt want to) control myself! and i felt so good.
but i will not weigh myself for the next couple of days.. after having read that one jaffa cake has 44cals i kinda fell into a slight mood of despair. but do not fear - no more chocolate for me for the next two days (thats the max amount of days i can survive without any chocolate whatsoever..).
thing is, i'm feeling a bit full at the moment and i have to go to bed.
ugh. going to bed with a full stomach is a big no no.
oh, and do feel free to slap me if i dare mention the word chocolate to you this week. i need motivation and i know i am fully capable of going to the local shop and buying myself a magnum, so please, dont hesitate and kick me if i have any plans on doing so.

and to think i was doing so well today (till about 8pm) i was living on 575cals. hm. better luck next time eh?

short week, just three days of classes ahead this week - yet another long weekend from thursday. to tell you the truth it feels so awkward. but nice at the same time. maybe i'll finally get round to cleaning out my wardrobe. if anyone saw in what state my clothes are in in that wardrobe i'd die of shame. i've been wanting to get round to clean it out for days, weeks even.. shame on me..mea culpa.


codladh samh

i shed a tear

watching 'Lars and the real girl'...can you believe it?!

i'm an ultimate ryan gosling fan. i've seen nearly all the films he's been in.. he's such a hotty! mrau.

if you haven't yet seen any of his films, give me a shout and i'll be more than happy to shed some light on his wonderful acting! half nelson is a must see.




attention

if you look anything like gosling, please contact me asap. or if you have the exact same personality as gosling, i am willing to give you a chance.

HBO: Thin

i came across the documentary on one of my 'friends' myspace site [yes, i know, i'm so sad having a myspace.. kill me for it] and i watched it.
i'm in deep shock.
so many aspects were covered there and oh too many showed how hard it is to live a normal life and to recover when you suffer from an eating disorder. starting from the fact that you have to want to recover. the thing that hit me most was the insurance crap.. wow..i did not know that if you run out of insurance, they make you leave, how frickin sad is that? how can the girls possibly recover when they get kicked out? that scares me.

if you do happen to watch all 11 episodes on youtube, you'll see what happens.

i dont know why i got so sensitive about it, i'm fortunate that none of my close friends have any eating problems but if i did, i know there would be nothing that i could do to help. in fact, i've never heard of any support groups in tychy or katowice. i wonder how it all looks like here.

oh great. my cat just got sick. shoot. :(

somewhere over the rainbow

i'm hooked on that song, reminds me of the days when i was an E.R. addict and the finale was an absolute tear-jerker.. unbelievable.

had an amazing evening/night. i couldn't ask for a better best friend than you agata. time flies uncontrollably when i'm with you. there's so much we could do and talk about that a lifetime wouldn't be enough for us! thank you for always being there for me and chatting to me when i need it :] what would i do without you..?


dont go to geneva!! dont leave me here all alone..

i wish i had more fun nights like i did with 'my' two ania's last weekend, and like today with agata. time flies.. and i've got less time with every year, month, week... its sad.
i know i've neglected a few people in my life and i'm sorry that i didnt spend enough time with you.. but how will they know that now? but i like my life the way it is now, i love the people who are in it. who have left a mark in my heart, those who are just starting to flourish in my life. i love everyone who knows me :] i'm in a good mood which means you should all love agata!

love love love.

i wish i had a personal bear i could share all my true love with though. i've been too naive in the past and now i've raised the bar, i dont want an immature man who still lives with hopes from the past, who cant take care of a woman, who doesnt know how to treat a woman.

i'm done with boys. i want a man. i will have a man. i dont care if its this summer, next summer or in three years. i will get what i want and i know what i want. no more miss nice girl. just watch me.

rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb

yesss..there's rhubarb everywhere! and boy am i a thriving housewife making tons of cakes with.. rhubarb! tomorrow will be rhubarb crumble - i simply cannot wait. i dont think i've ever enjoyed making cakes as much as i do now, and it's all thanks to Rheum rhabarbarum.

as for now, i'm contemplating on the fact that i have a test on thursday. just contemplating. probably will sit down to it after 9:30pm.. after i've watched all there is to see on tv. teehee.

tremendously enjoyable day today - lovely sunshine, cat having a whale of a time in the garden. just one class today. one hour of private lessons and done.

i wonder what the week will bring..

cheerio!

trip down memory lane..

my parents and i took a trip to the cemeteries in świętochłowice, ligota and podlesie today. i remembered walking down the path with my watering can filled up to the brim, staring straight ahead of me and then it hit me - in thirty years time, it'll be me with my children coming to the graves of our loved ones who have deceased, i'll be going down the same path only older and with more memories and probably without my parents. that really saddened me.
it's a pity and a shame that time flies unrelentingly. sometimes i wish i could pause for a moment and never forget the great and happy parts of life.. i realised how much i depend on my parents, i live with them, we eat dinner every day together, we go shopping together, we go out to eat together, we talk we laugh and we cry.. and some day that'll all be gone. somehow, i don't want that to ever happen. i don't want the most important people in my life to leave. i know it's inevitable, that it will happen.. but it doesn't stop me from wanting to change the impossible. i'm still too young to be thinking things like that but my parents are growing old and i can see it. but frankly, there's nothing i can do, so i must draw happiness from what is today and now. i hope tomorrow will be a brighter day and i'll be in a better mood. as for now i'm very sensitive and thinking deeply about existence.. and how i wasted 4 years of my life on relationships which were never meant to be. pathetic.

on a different note, my cat was terribly ill today. throwing up everything all day. poor thing. he's sleeping like a log now but i feel for him so much, he was in so much pain today. unbelievable how attached we get to our four-legged pets.. he means so much to me and today everyone in our house showed how much he means to us. its magical seeing how we all treat him like another member of our family.