it's difficult for me to comprehend, why on earth i can't find anyone appropriate for myself? oh how i'd love to be in someone's arms, sitting with my feet tucked under my bum in the arms of someone who i trust.. on an amazingly cosy white (ok, creamy will do too ;)) couch.. watching tv or some sweet dvd whilst munching on sweet popcorn.
why can't i have that?
why do i have to wait?
why have all the decent guys suddenly vanished from the face of this planet?
or maybe they were never here to start with...? :)
so i have to admit, i have a few guys that have been writing to me and keeping me "complany" even if it only via emails/texts but they are the sweetest guys EVER. and by sweet i mean considerate, open-minded and fricking funny. always ready to say something just to make me smile and you know what - i love it. i love it that someone is actually giving me attention! i've never felt like this before.. but why on earth do i always get so attached? if i met an of these guys i'd probably devour them in one go!! i'm becoming lethal.. this abstinence has been going on for much too long and is having a bad effect on me. so unfair. either way i cant really have any of these guys cos they are all in england. heh. but why do i even think in terms of "having" them? i dont want to possess and i dont want a serious relationship, not anymore. i've given up. i dont want to love, i want to BE loved. i wish i could just sit back and enjoy the attention, the love, the endeavours, the rivalry, the fact that i can get what i want. i really want to take life as it comes and show who's boss. seriously, i believe i'm getting there.
but i wouldn't mind one of my beau's to woo me ;) i feel like i wanna use men. and i would really take pleasure in that. i've reached the point where i dont care :) all i want is to devour.. i dont care about the rest. flirt all i can, tempt, seduce, infatuate, make them fall into a reverie, make them run after me, take advantage of them only to leave them squeeling in the end, begging for more, and i will look down upon them and kiss them goodbye never to return.
i'm back on track :) the vicious me is taking over and i like it. hopefully it will save me a lot of heartache...
No comments:
Post a Comment