have you ever had that feeling...

when you think someone is being too nice, too overexcited, too kind, too talkative, too friendly, just too much....especially when this man is your neighbour, and to top it off, he's married. yeah. well that's what i feel like, this man is too chummy, i mean, he's married, got kids yet i have this suspicion that this guy cannot genuinely be so considerate towards me with no hidden agenda... or can he? sometimes i think he would like to woo me somehow (well, last time he took me into his house!! and showed me his bathroom.. but that was understandable, kind of, they had just refurbished their master bathroom and he wanted to show off :) and i must admit it's stunning, very modern and luxurious) but at times i think that he is just being kind and neighbourly. i don't know.. i wish to think that he is just being nice.. but then again ;) and thus the vicious cycle goes on..

i'm infatuated with L. i am. i wish i had someone like him, or even better - him - in my life forever. i feel so happy right now just knowing that i have fantastic people around me, i feel so much better at college too, i feel like i really wanna live and taste every day, every second.. it feels so damn good.

but just as i wrote that i feel guilty, guilty that i am happy and maybe i have made G's life miserable? but then i think - he made my life a living hell for a year in 2008..he deserves it but then again, i'm not looking for revenge and i don't want him to be angry with me.. but i need my life back, i need to see this sun that has come into my life.. and i want to enjoy every moment of it.

if only G could understand. but i will not write to him, not if i see that some sort of emotional blackmail is being used or if he starts asking awkward questions.. i never want to go through what i did with artur, the worst thing that ever happened in my life.. ugh.. ania, agata, everyone - why didn't you guys slap me when i was with that bloke?! i mean you must've seen what a hideous miser he was - why didn't anyone stop me from being with him ;)?! but i guess we all encounter people for a reason..

i have a kind and huge heart. at times too kind. but i have learnt my lessons.

i am flying high x