spoon-fed trauma

a lot has happened within the past four days.
too much really for me to grasp or handle.
but i'm doing the best i can

i have fallen into a downward spiral, except instead of a spiral, it is a vacuum of sorts.
there seems to be no way out of this constant conflict in my mind.
i'm fighting a battle with myself, as i have said and will time and time again
i am unable to make a concrete decision about my next move

i cant remember feeling this betrayed, alone, conflicted, ever.
i'm not myself when i walk through the doors every day.

i engulf my feelings for the sake of others, but they are poisoning me.
but does it even matter?

my life is on pause so to speak.
i can't find a way out of this rut.

why am i so naive?