major disappointment

what can i say, other than i failed?
not the best day.
fail because i went onto the bus lane too early. that's it. and three minor faults. so, if it wasn't for the bus lane, i'd be a happy new driver.
but i'm not.
so i'll just stay at home and get pissed off with life.
and drink tons of coffee, because i want to.
next exam date: 11th may
over and out till then.

adios
M
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feeling a bit sickly

as the day of doom looms upon me, i'm starting to feel rather sick! the stress levels and pressure of tomorrow's daunting practical car exam is overwhelming, so much so that i had to put finger to key and get it out there!
i'm not telling many people that my test is tomorrow so that i don't jinx it but at the same time i'd like all the positive and good energy coming my way from 9am tomorrow!
the weather has just turned horrid (in comparison to the glorious sunny week we just had) it is now absolutely cold, gloomy and rainy. perfect. but i can't complain - i can't control the weather so i will have to just go along with it and be the best i can.
my hands are shaking already and my stomach is churning.
wish me luck....

M
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in the land of the working

i'm not dead. i'm just working! so incredibly busy with school i have barely any time to do anything else. quite literally - i'm so busy.

i will be off for the next two weeks so i'm hoping to get my social life back on track (yes that involves lots and lots of apology emails to my closest friends that i have seriously neglected these past few months).

my contract has been extended till july - yay! i finally feel like i'm getting somewhere with my career.

stressful wednesday ahead...all shall be revealed soon.

the second week of easter my parents are coming over from poland - so excited!!

i do hope you have all been well and all enjoy your easter holidays

M
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sleet in march

i have the joy of sitting at home and waiting to be picked up, i stare out of the window and take in the sight of sleet in march. it started off with drizzle, turn rain, turn sleet. how horrid. it's as gray as can be and i had a nice shopping spree filled day planned - but it never goes the way i want it to. my bus into town didn't bother to stop even though i put my hand out. so i took my bum back home. 

i was meant to go clothes shopping which i haven't done since london (may/june). so you can imagine how excited i was to be going out at last. never mind. i'm used to not spending so another week won't kill me.

i'm still at school. kind of enjoying it more now. still trying to get my head round all the paperwork and schedules that no one bothers to tell me about. i've had great feedback from parents during parent's evening so i'm happy with how things are.

only four more weeks to go...

and then my parent's will be coming over for 4 days! i am so delighted that they will be here!! mind you, the house needs to undergo a few changes before they come over..but all is well and good! can't wait to show them what life is like here - i think they will love it.

now, though, back to reality...back to teaching kids!

hope you're all well

M

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roller coaster

sincere apologies for not being here at all for the past month.
i've been busy - working (at last!)
so my days of complaining that i'm stuck at home and have nothing to do are well and truly OVER.
i have been teaching a year 1 class and i've enjoyed every bit of it. so much so that i have agreed to stay there for another 6 weeks (yikes!)
and here i wanted to insert a picture of my classroom, however my laptop doesn't seem to be reading my card reader. boo. well, to be honest my classroom is nothing special at all. just a bog standard room that magically holds thirty 5/6 year olds. amazing what a tardis of a classroom i have. it's ever so empty and uninspiring though. i will change this! now that i will be there for the next term. the main problem is, is that we have motion sensors all around so i can't hang anything up. we cannot staple things to the walls, only blu-tac and pins. it's hard.

nonetheless, i'm enjoying teaching and it's making me happy. the workload - not so much! but it's something i can put to the back of my mind and take joy in what i do every day with the children.

i know this week will fly by as i have so much work to complete - grids, levels, assessments, targets, planning for next term, weekly and daily plans...argh!!
but for now, i', looking forward to this evening - a special valentines day dinner at osmotherley. yay.

M
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friday 13th

are you superstitious? i definitely used to be, but not anymore, so friday 13th's don't phase me...or do they??

i remember i flew to poland once on this date, and nothing happened. but today, for some reason i have this horrible feeling in my gut. i've got a dentist appointment for 11:45am and i do hope things go well. later i'll have a few hours to do some planning for next week (and plan a whole space theme for this term! yikes!!!). i hope today doesn't bring any horrible surprises and i get everything done smoothly.

maybe that gut feeling has more to do with me stressing over my new teaching position, my first proper teaching position?

excitement and stress rolled into one. i think so. i'm sure today will be fine, just fine.

M
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nowt on!

MrL took me on a little trip to Helmsley - a very pretty village in north yorkshire. we went to some of the boutiques, shops and a pub for some grub! i acquired a new pair of slippers, a gorgeous vase and turnip crisps. it's such a sweet place to visit.

this picture may not be the best (it got dark so quickly) but it still looks sweet. i love going to new places and seeing such cute english villages.

i just had to take a pic of this....

now, where else on this world would you get crisps with the flavour of 'nowt on'?! i just love it. love how some northern terms are so funny. and they are used on such a regular and formal basis!

i went to the school that's endeavoring to take me on.. there is so much work ahead of me. it's frightening but exciting. i can't wait to have my own class (even if it is for only a month). exciting times lie ahead!!

M
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chip and yay!

my title make no sense? good. let me explain.

wednesday evening, i'm waiting for MrL to come home, i feel peckish, only thing in the kitchen in the bread bin was a left-over last bit of walnut bread. so i take it and put some butter on and eat it. next thing i know, i hear (and feel) a crunch, for a mili second i think that "that's not right?" but my mouth continues to chew and i hear another crunch and before i know it i'm digesting my food. i take my tongue and swirl it around my teeth, they feel fine. oh no, wait, what's this? it feels so rough and rugged. on the side of my tooth. damn it - a bit of my tooth is missing. YES. i chipped my tooth with some bread. now, it made me think that my whole tooth might just drop out! my teeth are in very bad condition (i partially blame it on my genes but also on my lack of oral hygiene when i was younger - yuck! oh and plus the fact that i ate soooo much chocolate over xmas.. oops!) i dramatised a bit and was a bit freaked out. luckily MrL came home soon after and got the whole crying thing going on because, let's face it, i don't have the money to even go to a dentist. my love, being the love that he is, transferred a wad of money onto my account and told me to "splash out" on a new filling! woopie. so, next day i get calling to all the two dentists around. one does not accept new patients - thanks. the other? next free appointment is friday morning. i took it, but seriously? two days to wait to have a hole in my tooth filled in?? i was quite upset - i couldn't eat any chocolate till then for goodness sake! this was going to be hard work.

well, friday finally came and i graced my wonderful self over to the dentist (who is a 3-minute walk away from my house) and registered. he took me into his office. and he started talking. talking so fast my ears had to adjust. i had to concentrate so hard i had to sit down. in all seriousness though, he was such a nice guy. who would have thought - a male dentist so nice. he patched up my...oh no, that's going to sound so bad. let me rephrase - the hole in my tooth was no more. in fact, he told me more. he said to come again! even more, he said my THREE wisdom teeth need to come out. this was no news to me, my 'dentist' in london told me the same thing (and so did two other dentists in poland..) but what used to discourage me is the method and the price. i got quoted a couple of hundred pounds PER TOOTH in london. i don't have that kind of money. i sure didn't when i was a student and i sure don't now being unemployed. i told the dentist this. he said "no no no no no, you don't understand. i can refer you to a clinic and it will be for free.." WHAT?! free?! seriously??? i had no idea. this is news to me - and what fabulous news. i told him i want to do it. get it done and finally have my teeth sorted. so i've booked and appointment and xray for tuesday, he'll be able to tell me about the difficulty of the procedure of extracting my teeth etc. exciting!!

i was totally over the moon when i came back from the dentists'. after ranting about the lack of available appointments for such critical patients like me. but after that visit i was so happy and had completely forgotten about the holey tooth thing.

i was just watching some "new girl" online (quite a funny show with zooey deschanel-something-or-other) when i got a phone call from a strange number. unwillingly, i picked it up and lo and behold it was a receptionist from a school that i had had an interview for back in october. boy was i surprised to hear from them. i was amused. i let her speak. she informed me that they were calling about a position that they have for a month's supply work in year 1... REALLY?! i was beyond myself. a month, for me, in year 1 - i'm utterly happy, of course i said YES. so here is my "yay" - i have work for a month! to some of you this may sound incredibly poor, that i'm thrilled to get work for a month (doing what i absolutely love - teaching) but when you've been sat at home for over 6 months doing NOTHING you learn to appreciate all the little things in life. especially real work, even if it is just for a month. i'm thrilled to bits. starting on the 16th i'll be working at last. i know i'm going to love it. i know the school likes me, i like the school, this will be fun. i can't wait. what a great start to the new year.

i hope you start to the new year has been equally rewarding and exciting!!

M
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first post of the year

as some of you may have noticed, i have been unintentionally absent from blogger. i've had a fabulous few weeks over the christmas and new years period. it's been magical, wonderful and inspiring.

it was (and always shoulb be) a perfect time to spend with family, chill out from everyday life, relax and eat a plethora of rich food! i did exactly that, plus actually getting ready for christmas - putting up the xmas tree, getting the house ready, packing presents, preparing food, visiting family members...etc. i had time to catch up with my parents, i got to see my brother and plenty of aunts. i've missed home and i was rather home-sick by the end of the year. i'm so pleased MrL came to spend it with me away from his own family. christmas went as soon as it came and up crept the new year - we decided to spend it with family, and thankfully MrL's uncle was more than happy to have us over. we had a fantastic time, got ever so drunk and had many food babies. 

today it's jan 3rd and everyone's gone back to work, and for me, again, it's back to looking for my teaching job. i have high hopes for this year. i know i will get my teaching job soon. i have to get back into driving, i haven't driven in so many weeks (and secretly, i'm quite happy - i enjoy being passenger, is that wrong?) i'm quite apprehensive about being behind the wheel again. but i know that the more i practice the better i will get, so no more slacking - i'm focusing on my driving!

do you have any new years resolutions? i know that this year will be much better than 2011. that's all that matters to me

hope you're all having a great start th 2012

i'll leave you with some pictures from the past few weeks..

M

 

   

absolutely freeeeezing

this week has been horrendous when it comes to the weather. it's been so so cold. windy to such a degree that it blows me off my feet! no joke. i guess i really know what living 'up north' is like now.. the weather here is so much worse than in london.

had an afternoon of school today! woohoo. the kids there are so sweet! it really makes me want to kick my agency for not giving me more work - i love my job! how many people can say that about their job? i don't know why they don't send me to more places. ugh.

how scary is it that christmas is creeping up on us so quickly?! unbelievable how in two weeks we'll be home, scoffing down delicious food and spending time with the family. i've only done half of my shopping..! need to get a move on.

how is your xmas shopping going?

M
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cold

feel the cold yet? i can!
it's getting so chilly here in the north of england, it's reminding me a bit of home!

so close to christmas now.. have been making my list and having to make major amendments..just can't afford what i'd like to get everyone...so need to reorganise and rethink pressies. but i love it. on a tight (very tight) budget but will make it worth while. i still can't get my head round as to how i haven't gone crazy without a job all this time...

seeing that christmas is creeping up ever so quickly, i must put up the tree soon and all my fairy lights! i cannot wait to sit by my piano in poland and play a few new tunes that i've been dying to try out. as well as all the traditional christmas carols! which anna and myself shall play (four hands! how else :) we know how to rock)

MrL has gone away for the week again.

i'll be visiting a school on tuesday and work thursday afternoon. nothing other than that. ugh. how great. my life officially sucks.

please week, bring me more work please...

M
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first frost this year

before i woke up this morning MrL came running up the stairs telling my how icy everything was outside (at 5am ..yes that's the time he goes to work..ouch!). when i finally did get out of bed (8-ish) i leisurely got ready for the day and walked downstairs to see it all for myself, everything was covered in frost! it looked great - too bad i'm so lame at thinking in the morning - i didn't take any pictures. next time, i will.

yesterday was so different, and in a way, a virgin day of teaching! it felt so great to be in a classroom full of kids that were listening to me and learning. i love it. i'm genuinely upset that i don't get to do it every day. and in all my woe i listen to 'turning page' (Link!) which seems to be my all time favourite slow song ever. yes, i'm still fantasizing over the whole edward cullen/bella swan breaking dawn film. it wasn't the best part of the books (ie it was quite cheesy at times and very girly) but the music in the film totally caught my attention. loved it.

i also seem to have hit an all time low with my feelings and emotions. i'm not sure why. sometimes i think things could be better. sometimes i even think of going back home to poland and trying to save money. i guess that's what the whole problem is - money. i can't seem to get any here and i know if i moved back home again, it would be so easy.

in a way. i wish i had my own edward. someone who would unconditionally love me and be there for me always. maybe i'm being too mean, MrL is doing all that, but it's the emotional side that is a bit lacking. do men do that? it seems like he's 'grown out' of being passionate. a gentleman. a lover. and he's become more of a man. a primate. selfish...

we need to talk. (am i alone in this...?)

M
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another month over

this is getting quite boring, what with having nothing to write here i feel terrible just updating these posts with plain 'nothingness'.

i'm such a twi-hard. there, i said it. i love the twilight saga and in fact i cannot wait till the last part comes out next year. i had quite a twilight-y day - playing music from the films and just re-watching breaking dawn! what a day. teachers were on strike today so i joined the twihards. ha.

tomorrow. well, i have to go to a school to TEACH (!) in the morning. woopee! will be up bright and early, i'll see MrL go to work (for a change) and at 4pm i have a school to visit. busy day tomorrow.

my eyes are in pain, i've just had the lenses changed and obviously my eyesight has gotten worse. so from -0.75 i've gone to -1.75. it's taking some getting used to. but i can no SEE :D yay.

hope you're all having a great week

M
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hard work

who would have thought filling out teaching applications would be so tedious and so loooong! omg. i've been doing these forms since july, you'd think 5 months later it would be a a bit easier.. NO. believe me, every school is different and so are their requirements. you have to adjust your personal statement to the school's ethos and vision. every application form differs. it's such hard work.

today i managed to do two applications and i am drained. i stood up and i could barely stand, i felt so dizzy and tired. or maybe it's just me? maybe i put too much effort into these applications? maybe? but i'm trying my hardest to finally shine through as much as i can so that the schools take me up for an interview.

if someone asked what i did today and all i said was - filled in two applications, they'd think i haven't done much, but quite honestly, i've done loads. and not matter what people say or think, i have done a lot today.

i want to teach already!!

M
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woman on a mission

for the first time in ages, i stepped out into town. amazing, huh?
no, didn't think so. but unfortunately that's how exciting my life is at the moment.
i look forward to the day when i read back on all these posts from this year and be so happy it's all behind me. fingers crossed the new year will bring me better luck.

i had an important interview. next one is on thursday.
as i was out, i decided to pop into some shops. i roamed around new look, topshop, h&m, debenhams and river island. i found one cardigan i would have liked. now, yesterday, i moaned on twitter that i wish someone would take me out shopping. to be honest, i didn't feel wowed by anything really, which was quite surprising. i thought i'd want to buy everything in the shops, but i didn't! and i'm quite happy about it, otherwise i'd be here now moaning i had money ;) hah.

what i did realize, was that i miss walking down streets filled with shops. i miss london. i miss the hustle and  bustle, the variety, the enormousness, the never-ending options. five shops in the town i live in now doesn't really compete at all with the thousands of london. i'm bored and yet there is nothing to do here. hence, i need to get out more, i need to do something. i've called up two schools for voluntary work, i have to wait for a response, obviously, both schools stated that they already have quite a few volunteers (ie. they don't need any more). one more school to apply for a teaching position. i really hope something comes out of this. i need it to.

M
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i just had to!

sometimes, i get this feeling that i just have to do something. and that happened to me just a moment ago.

prawn sandwiches. need i say more? now, i'd defrosted the prawns for a rice dinner, but instead, i had this uncontrollable urge to have a prawn sandwich instead. i know, not much of a dinner, but boy did i enjoy it!

yum!!

absolutely bored stiff today, incredible how terrible weather can make you feel so blah!

let's hope this week is more eventful and filled with healthier food choices.

M
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foggy much?

woke up this morning, peered out from underneath the duvet and saw a very milky sky. no surprise, i didn't want to get out of bed really.

not having anything to do today, i whipped out my camera and snapped up a few shots of the fog

view from front door, usually can see the hills from here! not today

MrL had bought some lovely and very unusual flowers form my bday and they look fantastic on our dining table

Brassica oleracea, white crane and purple crane

i think they look gorgeous! especially interwoven with the lilies, i love them! they have lasted so long.

well, that's it folks for today's post, nothing special. just trying to get my xmas shopping list up to scratch and shall start buying presents soon! can't wait for xams this year - at home, with my family.

M
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car mantra

i have to say, the highlight of today was my driving lesson.
i've been stuck at home on my own again and having done some housework this morning, my driving instructor called round in the afternoon and took me to redcar in my car.

it's not far. but it was busy. and i had some stupid jinx on me and i stalled a trillion times on one roundabout :D i had the person behind me get to the stage that he had to overtake me. man, i was horrendous. it just gets to me, once i stall once and then a second time..THAT'S IT. i'll keep on stalling! i haven't stalled in ages. and i didn't understand why all of a sudden i stalled today? i guess i just get too panicky and flustered, there was a queue behind me and it was quite a busy roundabout, so i had to go. ugh. what a nightmare.
but driving around redcar was nice - i do like to be beside the seaside! so, as my title indicates - i had a quick mantra "i am calm and i can do this" in my head as i set off every time. it helped. luckily!!

on another note, i need  new glasses. my eyesight is so crap. it's not good when i'm driving around. i can hardly read signs etc :/ shall have to ask MrL for a deposit for an eye test and new lenses!! i can't drive not seeing properly. would like to have laser treatment really. i wish i could see clearly :D

anyone have any interesting plans for the weekend?

M
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writer's block

i can't really complain about writer's block really when in fact it is half way gone november and i had done so many things!

- Anna's 30th bday was a total BLAST! i had so much fun at her pool party and generally enjoyed my long weekend in cambridge
- watched fantastic fireworks and drank mulled wine by the river Cam, on a boat with a log burner that Anna's friend lives in (not in the burner, but in the boat-doh!)
- copious amounts of driving lessons (two very bad ones but recently, i've been getting better)
- in fact, MrL has been taking me out a LOT recently, anywhere we need to go he makes me go
- going down to MrL's mum's to help her move out of her old flat into her new house
- literally ripping my nails in order to shorten them (i had no scissors or nail file) somehow, i managed to keep them looking good, however they are dramatically shorter now :(
- lovely dinner with friends
- my bday - had a lovely day filled with presents, flowers, chocolates and MrL's family
- i PASSED my car theory test!!!
- applied for two more teaching posts, after having failed to be successful at another teaching interview
- listened to some good tunes which i'm sure everyone know by now, in particular Coldplay, Birdy and Lana Del Rey
- booked tickets to poland for xmas and am so excited!!
- MrL is growing his moustache for Movember (link!)
- making a list of xmas presents that i would love to get (but somehow i get the sinking feeling that money will not allow me to get half of what i;d like to get)

that's about it. doesn't seem like much when it's all in a list but i feel like i've done a lot (compared to all this time since july...) i'm glad it's been a bit busier than usual. it takes my mind off the more brutal things in life.

unfortunately i deleted everything off my camera's memory card and only have taken pics of MrL's mum's cat!

i hope you're all having a great november

M
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idle business

as i'm still stuck at home with no work, i've been on the phone to schools to go and see (2 schools to see tomorrow for teaching positions in january).

and that would be all!

had a nice sunday dinner with the family yesterday. had an awful driving lesson on friday - seriously effected my thoughts on driving. i think it has definitely made me think that i'm a shit driver. i've been getting more stressed about lessons recently rather than feeling 'excited' that i'm going to drive, it's more "errr...uh oh :/"

plus, i hate cold sores. i wish i never had them. please stay away from people with cold sores - you really don't want to catch them. trust me :/

M
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