lack of afflatus

i sit here and ponder on what i should write..

there have been a few things on my mind today, nothing that is vitally important to put out into the world, but i'll do it anyway..

1. i bought a "shelving unit" from ARGOS - note to self - never do that (or buy any other item from there) again.

2. i'm going to IKEA tomorrow with my flatmate to get me a proper shelving unit. it'll take us a min of 1hr to get there but it will be worth it..right?

3. Anna will be staying over for 5 nights starting tomorrow - i need to clean my room!! pronto!

4. i despise this rain that has befallen upon london - make it go away.

5. if i could change my whole wardrobe - I WOULD.

6. i wish the weekends were longer - i hardly ever get to do half the stuff i want to.

7. there's something wrong with the ventilation in my room - EVERY morning i wake up and the windows from the inside are covered with water droplets (i'm assuming this is condensation) meaning that there's too much water in the air.. make it go away! it's so annoying and my clothes never dry :/

8. i've started a new blog.. it's called "Today i saw..." :)

9. i need to watch my expenses - i'm running out of money (fast..)...

10. i need to find a website that streams gossip girl - man am i missing that show!! i have to catch up on all of season 3...!!

i thought i'd limit myself to 10, once i start listing i add and add and add ;) uni is getting quite scary - i mean, the prospect of being in school in a month is terrifying!! it's s different to what i was taught to do in PL.. wish me luck from 8th nov..

xoxo

i don't understand...

how (heavily) pregnant women smoke. i just don't get it...is carrying a child inside of you not a good enough reason to STOP smoking? not doing just for yourself but for the health of your unborn baby? it appalls me this selfishness and stupidity of some women. shame on you!

my week's flown by (yet again).. i have no idea where all this time is passing by?! i'm so busy with uni i tend to go to bed between 1 and 2am..i'm shattered. so tonight, i'm hopping into bed straight after this! the earliest i've ever been since i left L's!!

talking of Mr L.. i keep wondering where he is, what he's doing, if he's happy, if he's tired, if he misses me...
i can't wait till he gets back.
i also guess this is some kind of 'taster' for what it will be like when he leaves for Afghan.. which i am actually dreading. look at me now - i'm lucky he's gone for only a week..what will i do when he'll be gone for 6 months? i don't even want to think about it...

i want to go to poland. i miss my parents and my friends. i wish i could have had more time i went during the summer to see you... :(

xoxo

eat. pray. love.

yes, maria went to the cinema today.. how could i resist? two for one. you know me, always the opportunist (especially of it means getting away from vapid work for uni!) only if it is for and hour or two, it helps me clear my mind and refocus on life in general.

i saw a chick-flick, there's no other way of describing this film. even though it may not have been a really life changing film, it made me think about how i perceive myself and my life..i've never had a period in my lifetime when i 'got in touch with myself'. i'd (similarly to the main character) always been either breaking up or getting with someone, i'd never had that stage when you'd try and be happy with yourself.. i think i've missed that part out because it makes me feel uncomfortable. i'm marvelously happy in the relationship that i am now, although recently, well, a few days ago, we went through a heartbreakingly serious rough patch, that made me think how much do i love myself? do i love myself enough to love someone else? do you know what i mean?? i am so content with Mr L but i truly believe and think (and know) he needs more, and i'm not able to give it to him because i don't fully love me. i need to reach the level of loving me to be absolutely devoted to someone else. i will use my time wisely and i have devised a plan, an 'action plan' that from this day forward, i will start loving myself, my body and everything related to my being.

wow, all that from 'just a film'..it's great to go to the cinema from time to time - reflection is good :) i hope you are all happy with yourselves so that you can be the happiest with your loved ones.

xoxo

yesterday...

I write to you from my room.. YES, but no internet – I’m just writing this in word and posting it up on my blog. Oh, the good ol’ days of not having the internet – I HATE IT. Can’t wait till Tuesday!! Virgin internet here I wait…

So I’ve done a week of induction at uni (which was fab) if only it lasted forever…hey ho, I’ve also managed to survive a whole week of ‘proper’ uni – soooo much work. So much stuff to do, so many things to print, so much information to take in, so many essays to write, so many hours of researching to do, so many trips to the library to be done, so many subjects to acquire, so many notes to be taken down, so many presentations to be done, so many books to read, so little sleep – welcome to PGCE course. I have a hate/love relationship with it. I love it because I’ve met such wonderful people here; I look forward to my school experience and getting my QTS. But, I hate it because there’s so much work to do.. information overload every single day. We get tons of essays and projects to do..i’m kind of (not) looking forward to it..? I have mixed feelings about it all. I’m so glad to be on this course though. At times it will be fun but the majority of the time it’s work work work.

I’m living with a really nice girl in her flat. I have the whole bedroom to myself :) it’s a bit on the empty side, but soon enough, I shall make it my own! I just need to get a desk lamp, chest of drawers/storage cabinet and get some more pictures on the wall and it will be fab. The location is brilliant – 15mins walk to uni, not bad for London, the price is affordable (def for London) and my flatmate is really cool. We even went to the British museum on Saturday and had a blast in the Egyptian section! I’m so happy to be here, but I think, next year it’ll be time to go up north and start living there with Mr L :)

The weather here has been absolutely horrible the past few days – windy and rainy. Your typical English weather – what more could you ask for? I’ve had to buy myself boots (where else but from ‘new look’ they have 20% student’s discount – woohoo!) I’ve bought some lovely nail polish too – by BarryM the colour is called ‘mushroom’ and is a lovely shade of brown.. def a wonderful autumn nail colour. I’m pondering on getting h&m ‘oversized boyfriend shirts’. I adore the look of them, I even tried some on and was ferociously tempted to get them but I thought I’d wait a day or two to see if I still liked them as much as I did first time round.. we’ll see how it goes ;) besides I don’t want to be spending too much money seeing that I don’t really have any :/

Hope you’re all doing well, I can’t wait to have my internet and I’ll FINALLY be able to write every day :D
xoxo

sitting back and waiting

i viewed a room today, not far from uni, and i told the girl 'I WANT IT!!'..so it looks as if i might have just found my room!! thing is she still has a few people in for viewings today :/ so i have to wait and see...as per usual..

please please please..let me seal the deal.

i've had enough of people being so uncertain and flimsy in their decision-making.

I WANT THIS ROOM!

'the time traveller's wife'

on a more (what would seem) a happier note, i finished reading my ever-so-wonderful book! i couldn't put it down, it was one of those books that you just keeping reading and reading until, all of a sudden.. you've finished it!

what a brilliantly written book, the plot is immense and utterly gripping, the whole story is so tricky, so intricate and so full of love and passion..it seems like one of those things that you'd love to happen to yourself! i was captivated from the very start. i hadn't seen the film and my sister had bought the book for me as a present (thank you!). the ending is swift yet painful, truly gripping and heart-breakingly tragic with a hint of optimism. words cannot explain how this book made me feel. and yes, i did shed a tear or two or maybe even over a dozen when i got to the final pages.

what a wonderful read. i love literature that is so pure and emotionally thrilling.

give me strength

it's been nearly a week and i've been sat in front of a computer screen for nearly all that time, searching, looking, ringing and hoping.

to no avail.

i'm still stuck. still room-less. still stressed. still wanting to have my own bit of space, yet no one is willing to give me a firm 'YES'. it's hard and i let it get to me today. i melted but L managed to scrape me off the floor offering me some over-the-phone love and advice. scrambling to my feet i approach the computer once again and search, look, ring and hope.

the vicious circle seems to have no end.

on your marks, get set....

and tomorrow it's 'GO'!
i've managed to pack all my paper work that i might possibly need for Uni in London. It's terribly hard packing all the essentials..i've been here for some time now and I really don't want to go. I've been putting off packing for quite a while, and now that it's finally dawning upon me that I really do have to go, I'm uneasy, unwilling and utterly slow at getting my things ready. Plus I'm limited as to what and how much I can take as I'll be taking a train down to London.

The garden is looking so pretty now, we've managed to get our garden set out onto the decking. Next summer we're planning on getting the barbecue done and have friends and family come over for a barbi!

We've also got our dining table and chairs in the house too, and we're ever so thrilled about it! It's wonderful and suits us so much! I'll be so sad to have to go to a room in London and not have the comfort of my own living room, kitchen and lounge area with a tv :( oh, how I wish I could stay..

But, this PGCE has to be done and it's better to get it done now rather than a few years down the line. I'd rather spend this year living off beans on toast than doing nothing with my career. I can't wait to get this qualification done!

Finally, I have bought myself a laptop so I will constantly be online ;) no more excuses that I don't have a computer or the internet.

Welcome to a new chapter in my life..one that you are all invited to!!

xoxo

decision decisions...

i never thought having to buy a sofa could be so dramatically complex! we've had our eyes set on a lovely brown leather set for ages..then we went down the road of 'convenient/practical/affordable and ended up looking at corner sofas. now, we (the not-so-average-typical couple) cannot and will not set for cheap and tacky, oh no! we've travelled a gazzilion times to and fro to barker and stonehouse (a blissfully wonderful furniture shop for anyone who is looking for new room-ware ;) we cannot decide whether we should go for comfort and affordability or stretch ourselves 'a little' and go for luxury leather/fabric wing style last-you-a-million-years sofa..

dilemmas, dilemmas..

we have, however, purchased an amazing dining set! woop woop! and, to my utter amusement, the suite is called 'Poland'. lol. can't wait for it to get here!

on a completely opposite note - i've been in love with listening to ellie goulding, i'm ever so tempted to go and buy it at hmv..it would constantly play in the car that's for sure!

hope you're all having a brilliant summer
xoxo

school's almost over!

and it was time for my last ever shift at the tourny this weekend..i did not shed a tear, i did not even celebrate, i was happy it was all over..it was about bloody time!!

what with school finishing next week, i've been having to start thinking of packing up my room, ready to move to L's place. just for a month though! so excited i cannot wait to be around my man everyday without fail and have him all to my disposition every weekend!! woop woop!

xoxo

i went to church today

i had a bit of a bad week last week and i needed some 'alone time' with my maker. hopefully the next few weeks will pass without any major side effects of the previous week.

i have therefore been indulging in a LOT of retail therapy.. so many buys from topshop, h&m, zara and uniqlo. love those shops!

got myself tickets to go north again to see my man as he's soon back from denmark! woop! and my parents will be here in london next weekend - so excited!

can't believe school is nearly over.. just a month left and that's it... uni in september - lol.

hope everyone is well
xoxo

miss invigilator

i did my fair share of homework club and today i topped it up by doing my fair share of exam watching! my days at sen are beginning to look worrying. i hardly go into lessons now..just sit and look at 6th formers writing their a-level exams..i am wasting away..am i not?
i even thought that i'd be better off as a live-out nanny here in london! or even a efl teacher in a language school...which i always thought would be my last resort if i didnt get any other job here...i think that maybe i had jumped in too fast to sen? maybe this wasn't what i was supposed to do because i feel like i've totally wasted a year of my life. but had i not gotten into sen, i wouldn't have probably gotten into uni...so it's always 'cos za cos'.
i'm still suffering the fact that i get paid the least at school and i feel like telling everyone to bugger off, stay and do homework club because that's what you're getting paid for! i'm not!!

well, no need to get into a rut right now as i'm heading off to the pub for a few drinks, then come back, pack my knickers and go up north bright and early before the sun comes out to play tomorrow!

looks like it's going to be one hot weekend :) so excited! good luck to all the ladies doing race for life tomorrow.. let the wind carry you to the finish line!

xoxo

long night in hollywood

so, i was on the train to king's cross today after work, and i happened to notice a tall woman standing in front of me (i had a seat). now, there wouldn't be anything weird in seeing a woman... but a woman wearing skinny jeans and being still to skinny for them to be tight?! what on earth do people see in such tiny figures? i don't get it. ok, i understand the overall trend with being healthy and looking slim, hell, i once starved myself to get to a wonderfully light weight (yes, it felt great once i got there!) but it looks awfully horrid when you see someone that is too tiny even for skinny jeans... yikes! it made me cringe and it made me feel disgust even.

i finally have a night off from the pub! i cant believe moirae no longer works here..good for her! it's dreadfully quiet and it gets so boring. besides, everyone moans at adam and matt so it's nothing new.

school on the other hand has been a bit lousy too :/ just 5 more days and it's half term!

this weekend will probably be a blast! going to croft circuit watch Monsieur L having fun in his poor lil car. pics will be posted next week i should expect. the weather is meant to be great so fingers crossed we'll have a gay ol' time ;)

where on earth has the sun gone?! or maybe carrie could you please stop hugging it in OZ!! give us some sun here in europe!!

<3 xoxo

sexy bitch

the D.R.A.M.A. in this pub is epic.

1. Mo-Dizzle is leaving (gah!!),

2. Claire is crying her eyes out because she takes too long to get ready and everyone yells at her,

3. Jane - our gansta homie is feeling ill yet still going out, wrecking her liver some more ;)

4. Matty is being a complete woman, pms-ing day in day out, shaving his head to uncontrollably short extremes every other day, 'working' at the speed of a snail,

5. Francis (the new chef) has moved into moirae's room and tends to go out with the tourny crew (although, personally i think he doesn't really fit in...)

6. i - i'm home, trying to get an early night but yet again, having to deal with all the pa-lava of the pub drama queens... same old, same old!!

danced some tonight behind the bar - where else could you do that at work?! so much fun :) with only the regulars in the pub, moirae and myself cranked up the volume and gave it our all - singing our hearts out to the the adoring crowds, lighters in hands, going country-style!

it's ever so quiet in the pub again, we've hit that time of year when it's just empty..unless the regulars decide to come in for a drink, they really do liven up the atmosphere in the tourny..what would we do without johnny, mark, will, pool-paul, naz, maggie....etc ;)?

so excited about L coming back home and seeing his last but belated bday present! lord only knows how much i splashed out on L for his bday...it was absolutely worth it though, every penny, pound, note! the smile on his face is unforgettable. don't you just love surprising loved ones with gifts and happiness? doesn't it make you feel so good? i love spoiling him!

my hair is getting so long :D well, you know it's not half-way down my back but it is up to my shoulders and it's bloody fantastic!! how i've missed long(-ish) hair... the diversity of hairstyles, it's so much fun! and just playing with it when i'm bored, curling, straightening, making it wavy, tying it up, keeping it on one side, putting a hairband on.. so many possibilities!

so happy it's friday tomorrow, and i have the night off!! woop woop! i need to hit the shops for some minor clothes/shoes indulgence ;) till next time...

xoxo

another sunny day

sat here in 'the office' trying to sneak in some time for myself and the internet, catch up on my life and gmail chat to my dad, before my boss gets back (which could be anytime soon..) while in the room next door a bunch of kids (6 of them, to be exact) sit trembling, hands shaking, minds working like clock work, writing their exams...

and my boss came in and i finish this post at home.

so..it's such a hectic time for me.. work work work like NEVER before and i'm starting to HATE it. my life has become a boring monotony of school-pub-(not enough) sleep-school-pub-(not enough) sleep... i ask myself why i do this.. and the answer is plain and simple: money. i haven't got much in my account, to be honest it's pathetic, but how else would i survive? what i do in the pub pays solely for my rent, the rest (school cash) i spend on food and other womanly needs (i.e. an occasional splash-out on clothes/shoes/drinks..). i thought i'd be better off but as life shows, i'm NOT. i'm constantly tired, fed up, yet i always manage to slap on a smile behind the bar. i have to. it's so sad. i'd rather yell at everyone and tell them to f-off cos i wanna go to bed. i'm over the pub work. i'm over working at two places. but it has to be done. 12 more weeks... just 12 more weeks left of this craziness... please keep me sane guys! give me some love!!

xoxo

up north where the sun don't shine

i'm spending my half-term at L's place. it just seemed to be the best thing to do. don't get me wrong, it is! BUT, where the heck is the sun?! it always seems to miss the north :( i hear (rather see) from friends' status's that it's oh so nice in london, why can't i get some sun-rays huh?

besides that, any time i go on the computer, i have to listen to the silence. i have no idea what L has done but there is no sound whatsoever when i go on the comp. so no itunes, no youtube, no nothing. just the clicking of the keys on the keyboard.

L is at work. that sucks. however, we had a wonderful easter weekend, spent it at his dad's and managed not to get into the hot-tub ;) as L is at work i have all the time in the world to catch up online, read my books and (drum roll) play on the Wii !! i can't believe we got it! it's the best thing ever :) we did it at the spur of the moment. we were heading back home from our saturday shopping spree for baby lily and we decided, what the hell, let's get a Wii. so we did. a black one! i've spent hours on it already, it's so enthralling. once you start you can't stop. it's made our evenings so much fun ;)

as for buying the Wii, we have now had to knuckle down and not spend any more. i've even made up a list of things we need to save up for..we'll see how well we stick to that!

just 4 more days and it'll be time for london again :( full-time work in the pub as i'm a little short on cash at the moment (thanks to school for not paying me during breaks, ugh). back to the daily grind of work. i'm shocked that time has flown by so fast. it's already nearing the end-of-school year! amazing! and uni seems to be lurking from round the corner - yikes!

xoxo

isn't it wonderful...

...how at 7pm it is still light :) LOVE it!

haven't a really good time, not so well financially but somehow i'm still chirping happy. possibly because i'm off for the next two weeks.. easter hols. so good to have so much time off, but i'll have to bite the bullet when it comes to my payslip.

my hair is so long! well, in everyone's standards, it's not but for me..i can't remember the last time my hair touched my shoulders which is happening and its soooo great!!! i wish they were longer though ;)

the weather here is pretty lame, when you leave the house in the morning, the sun's out and you have this vision that the day will be absolutely wonderful, like a proper spring day, but then as soon as you get into work, the sky clouds over and it starts raining...and it doesn't stop! so you get out of work, in your spring coat and pumps, ready to get all soaking, squishy wet. blah.

can't wait for it to brighten up.

then again, i can't wait to get into my wellies and go for walkies with lewis, up in the hills. somehow i find it unbelievably delightful.

hope everyone is well xoxo

sunday night unwind

what a luxury it is to be able to go shopping on your day off!

i set off bright and early at 1pm :p i slept in till 11:15 - oh what joy! the sun was out, the sky was blue, i put on my ipod, chucked on my green, spring jacket, put my camera in my bag and set off for high street kensington. now, i had no intention whatsoever to spend my whole day out in the shops but i did and i dont regret it a single bit :)

time flew so fast its amazing. i stopped in for a coffee at starbucks to boost my energy levels and came home to treat myself to a tuna sweetcorn pasta! now, i guess it's time to go to bed. get ready for another week of work work work. and next weekend? well, i will be hosting mrL's stay. maybe kew gardens on sat? gordon ramsay restaurant maybe? i'm not sure yee what we'll be doing but i know i'll be happy doing whatever!

yay for sunday's, boo-hoo for mondays :(

love xoxo

finally

the week has FINALLY come to a much desired end.

i'm terribly tired. my feet are aching. i've popped on i-tunes and decided that i am going shopping tomorrow. i don't care if i don't get anything, i just want to go out and enjoy myself.

not much to say, just that i'm overly tired and stressed with work.

nothing new.

cant wait for next weekend and mrL getting his bum over here!

love all xoxo

this is the best feeling

every time i log on here, i feel like i haven't written in forever.

to be honest, i don't ever have the chance to. I'm always on the run from here because whenever i do want to write there are so many things i'd like to tell you all.

i got some wonderful news recently - i got into uni! to do my pgce course in london so i can be a primary school teacher.

i have to do the course for a year but at least that will give me a chance to earn some decent money sooner rather than later. everything seems to be looking really good right now.

i'm still madly in love with Mr.L. things are going so well for us too...well, not the me-staying-in-london part..but all in all, it's something i have to do and i cant stop now. we're having the best time and thats all that matters.

i best shoot off..i'll add more tomorrow or the day after.

hope you are all well xoxo